Traipsing about Granby

We Shine

2011-06-13T10:18:00.002-04:00

Here I am blogging from the We Shine Unschooling Conference. I am also learning how to use Ant's CR-48. So far, so good, on both counts.

Yesterday I was a little bit overwhelmed with all the people. If there is a We Shine next year, I think I will be seeing if my family will agree to a slightly more isolated cabin/campsite. I can't shut out people I know or who know me very well, and I can't tolerate too much interaction. What I would really like is to hang out with a bunch of people who are having fun in such a way that I can just sit there and not say anything and still feel safe...until I want to say something. I realize that building those kinds of relationships takes time.

Things We've Explored This Week

2011-05-25T12:11:00.002-04:00

Dr. Who

Google I/O 2011

The Best Ways to Hard Cook Eggs

Jazz Dance

Philosophy

Roller-blading

World War II

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Zanzibar

New York City

Dealing with Differences

2011-05-17T16:49:00.002-04:00

We are a family outside the box. We have same sex parents, we have mixed race children, we live in a very rural environment, we earn money in non-traditional ways, we live well below the poverty level set by the federal government, our children are unschooled, we are polyamorous & bisexual, we are religiously diverse and dabble in non-traditional religions.

At the same time, we don't really feel too different from any one else. I mean we all have our quirks, right? We also support each other. There are six of us here, and for the most part, we are a cohesive unit. Matter of fact, sometimes it is hard to remember that we are all individuals with some needs that vary from each other!

How do we deal with our differences? It is not always easy. First, we listen. We listen to each other well and try to deal with differences when the first hint that they exist occurs. We brainstorm. We work hard to think outside the box. If someone needs more space, we think: can we use our space differently? Non-traditionally? If someone needs more quiet, we think: when and how can this best occur in the context of our lives. Feeling poor? How can we best use the money we have to meet everyone's needs? How can we work together to earn more?

Sometimes there are roadblocks, but in the end, things always work out. I think people are often too quick to say that things are not possible. I think parents are often too quick to control. I do not like to hear my kids disagreeing, but in reality, they are usually better and quicker at figuring things out, if I do not participate. Matter of fact, when I do try to help, they often all end up laughing at me! (Which I will admit is my "last ditch" effort to relieve the tension of some arguments.)

Thinking outside the box in relation to our relationships with the individuals in our immediate families is one of the things at the foundation of unschooling. At unschooling gatherings that I have attended, there is a huge sense of peace. Parents are not engaging in power struggles with their children. It is funny too because other than the lack of power struggles things are about the same as at any gathering of families. There are not more children running wild. Parents actually seem calmer not more harassed. There is no obvious difference in the interactions at the events than that the parents don't try so hard to control. They listen to their kids and work things out in the same ways that one would work things out with a friend who they might be traveling with. They treat their kids with respect.

It is quite shocking after attending an unschooling event to be at the playground with traditional families and to see them in the store or at the beach. There will be so much screaming and crying, and it is just so unnecessary! Listen, work together. Yes there may be times that solutions are difficult or slow in coming (just like sometimes occurs with adult friends), but a feeling of respect between parents and children can create a foundation of a childhood (teenhood, young adulthood) spent in joyful companionship instead of angry control and resentment.

The Sound of Music

2011-05-16T16:38:00.002-04:00

Music has always been a big part of our family life. When the kids were little, Joe would listen to his funkadelic music, and I would listen to my old '80's tapes, and Emma and her toddler friends has a ton of kiddie music tapes with Raffi and the Sesame Street: In Harmony series being the favorites.

As they got older, I started listening to the radio and picking up some new CD's, and the kids would often be found dancing around me as I did housework, letting me know what songs they liked the best and enjoying the music to the fullest.

When Joe and I separated, I moved to the hood, and we discovered the joy that is hip-hop with its always dance-able beat and humorous lyrics, and the songs of the neighborhood became our family's anthem for joy in the midst of hardship and play in the midst of chaos. When I met Diana, we bonded over those same anthems. I once joked that Diana and I could never break up because it would just be too weird to be bursting into tears at the sound of Get Low by Lil Jon or Tipsy by J-Kwon.

As Em became a teen, she embraced all things pop culture, twisting and turning them and rocking them into something that was completely her own. We listened to Britney Spears so often that we developed a southern accent. Bedroom walls were adorned with Mary-Kate & Ashley, Lindsay Lohan, and N'sync. I still had my own favorites to listen to such as Evanescence and Smash Mouth, and the beat of the hood was always underneath filling out the soundtrack of our lives.

Now we are here in the country with a new crop of teens listening to music that they love. This would be K-pop and J-pop and touhou and C-pop. It is a bit further from my preferred tunes, but not disliked by me either. I am happy to have been exposed to pop music from around the world by these people who I love and share my life with.

Our big music tradition of the moment is to create a family CD for each season. We load it with mp3's so we fit a lot of music on those CD's. Listening to past CD's can evoke the feelings we had during events and road trips associated with that season. We are currently trying to whittle down our list to 80 or so songs for a Shine CD. The variety of music is awesome!

Roleplay

2011-05-10T17:26:00.001-04:00

Today I realized that Paris and Nicole haven't visited us in a very long time, and it made me a little bit sad in my heart.

Coming of Age

2011-05-09T14:18:00.002-04:00

Lia and JoAnn have been participating in the Coming of Age program at a local UU church for the past 9 months. This Sunday, they will be presenting their credos (statements of belief) to the congregation. I am excited for them!

Esme is has two projects going on. She is finally tackling the drawing from life portion of her art school portfolio, and she is working on a series of drawings (not from life) that her sister commissioned for the nursery for her daughter (who is due near the end of August.)

Spring Passions

2011-03-29T19:47:00.004-04:00

Things are busy here at Faerie Gardens. Although you can't necessarily tell it from the weather, we can all smell spring in the air!

I have been returning to my regular walks. I haven't taken a long walk yet, but I am going to soon! My next goal is to walk to the Super Wal-mart in Granby. It is about 4.5 miles from here. I will just go one way, calling Diana to pick me up when I get there. It will be my first really challenging walk, and I am excited to see how I do! I am also increasing my knowledge of ASL. I have some hearing loss, and as I get older, I worry about more. Having another way to communicate with people can only be an asset. Lia, Jo, and Es are learning too although at a slower rate.

Diana has been working a lot on her art and on Faerie Garden Fancies. She is eager to spend more time outside but is also not willing to until the weather is a bit better. I hope that is soon!

Ant as always is being a Renaissance man. His knowledge in so many different areas grows by leaps and bounds every day. I love how eclectic his conversation starters are. Today it was, "Mom, in the Googleplex..." I never know what he might be about to say when he comes out of his room to talk to me! In addition to his knowledge gathering, he has been crafting. His current project is making wrist straps and charms for hand held gaming systems. He is hoping to sell some of these when we go to the Shine Conference in June. Like Diana, he is eager for warmer weather so that he can be active out-of-doors more frequently!

Esme just spent a week in Wisconsin with her friend Allie! This trip which has been in the planning for over three years was a huge success! Not only did Es enjoy taking the train there and back (a 13 hour trip each way), she had a great time with Allie and got to meet a lot of Allie's friends. (I think they had sleep overs nearly every night!) She got to see some of Chicago and enjoy multiple trips to the mall, and eat lots of pancakes and poptarts.

Josie has been plagued with illness the past 6 weeks or so and is struggling to get healthy. This is giving the girls some set back with their dance practices for Shine. She is slowly but surely getting better but still spends a lot of time lying in bed reading or relaxing in a cozy chair and writing long stories on the computer. At her high energy times, she is often found in the kitchen cooking, her passion of the moment.

Lia is still a bundle of energy. She has recently taken up gymnastics, Arabic bellydance, and yoga. Sometimes she instructs her sisters in these activities, and she also makes a lot of videos. She still loves painting and sewing, and is always looking for new sewing projects. She is going to make herself a dress for the Shine dance, but she is trying to wait until it gets closer because she is worried her size might change. She also has a new interest in mathematics and is using Khan Academy and me as resources to learn some new things in that area.

The girls are already spending a lot more time outside, which is good for all of us who find the long winters a little wearing in this tiny trailer!

Passions

2011-01-18T11:26:00.001-05:00

Lia has a new passion. It is sewing. Rarely a day goes by that she doesn't sew. Most of her sewing skills she has learned from watching tutorials online. She is really good and perseveres when she has difficulties. JoAnn is always asking her to make things for her or to modify her clothing. This is a huge praise because JoAnn is very particular about both her things and her clothes.

The Christmas Meme

2010-12-08T11:33:00.002-05:00

As seen on Singularity...

1. Real tree or artificial?

I love real trees! They are the ultimate symbol of the Yule season to me. There is just something about bringing this big tree into my home and basking in its glory that makes me extremely happy. I have heard all the arguments against real trees, and they just don't hit home to me. If I am decorating with something that big, I would prefer it to be a renewable, natural, agricultural product that will not end up in a landfill some day.

Having said all that, two years ago our family was discussing possibly not having a tree due to very limited funds that year. Word of this got out to some of our neighbors, and we were given not one, but two artificial trees and an offer for a third that were no longer being used. One of the artificial ones was green and the same size tree as we usually use so we put it up, and it was beautiful. There was a part of me that was mourning having a real tree though. It was the first year of my whole life that I hadn't, and I was disappointed. My kids were disappointed too, but I think more for me than for themselves. Last year, we decided to cut down a small tree in our wood. It was damaged and probably wouldn't have survived much longer. (Something is killing all the evergreens except for the cedars here.) This year, we once again have very limited funds. (December is a difficult time for substitute teachers.) So we have put up the artificial tree. It is beautiful. I am happy. :)

2. When do you put up the tree?

No particular time. This year it was December 3rd. It has been as early as the day after Thanksgiving and as late as the day before Christmas Eve.

3. When do you take down the tree?

Traditionally on January 6th. In reality, as early as the day after Christmas on a couple of occasions when the tree was falling apart, and as late as January 15th on a couple of occasions when we just didn't get around to it earlier.

4.Wrapping paper or gift bags?

Mostly wrapping paper.

5. When do you start Christmas shopping?

Christmas shopping? What is that? Truthfully I haven't Christmas shopped in at least 7 years. We don't really exchange gifts with anyone, and we only give the kids homemade gifts. (Not that we wouldn't like to buy them gifts, but we really haven't had any extra money for presents the past few years.)

Back when I did Christmas shop, I use to do it all on one day, usually a couple of Saturdays before Christmas. I like the hustle and bustle of the crowds, and I found that limiting it to one day helped me to both scale back, and choose more unique gifts for those who I was giving to. I do buy presents for people at other times of year, but I usually just give them to them then instead of waiting for a holiday.

6. Who is the hardest person to buy for?

My mom! She doesn't want any extra stuff, and she always seems to have all the things she needs.

7. Easiest person to buy for?

Any of my daughters. I know thousands of things that they would each like to own.

8. Angel on top of the tree, or star?

I prefer a star. Diana had an angel that she called a faerie that she use to use before she was with me. We did use that one year, maybe two, but now we are back to the star again. I think I had a bow one year a long time ago.

9. What is the worst Christmas gift you ever got?

My Grandma Long use to give me underwear. They were always fairly large briefs with lots of girly decor, not at all the type of panties I wear. I was so embarrassed each time I opened them because we would be opening presents one by one, and I was suppose to hold them up so that everyone could "ooo and ahhh" over them!

10. What is the best gift you received as a child?

I couldn't possibly choose one favorite gift. A few stand out though. Every year, I wanted The Game of Life, but I always forgot to ask for it. There was one year that my parents said they didn't have enough money to get many presents. Then on Christmas morning, I had The Game of Life and an umbrella! (I really loved umbrellas as a child.) I almost think that that was the best Christmas ever!

11. What is your favorite food to eat at Christmas time?

Cream pies and coconut cake!

12. What do you want for Christmas this year?

Enough money to pay the bills. The sense of security that would give me would be the perfect holiday present.

Flat Rock

2010-06-08T19:36:00.001-04:00

Today we will be traipsing up to Flat Rock. Lia wants to swim, but it is chilly! The rest of us may be just looking on.

Our Passions Lately

2010-06-07T19:46:00.003-04:00

Diana: Art, art, and more art. Diana has been working with polymer clay a lot more lately, but watercolor is still a significant interest. With the nice weather, photography is going strong, and the new camera from this past fall is getting a lot of use! Photography goes hand in hand with exploring nature, and the hummingbird feeder is a constant source of delight. Diana has also been reading books in a variety of genres (everything from Shirley Jackson's We Have Always Lived in the Castle to Diary of a Wimpy Kid).

Jacqueline (Me!): Writing! I have been trying to fit more writing and researching in. If I had the time, I would spend a lot of my time blogging. It gives me great joy! I also find myself exploring nature and dreaming of long walks! Keeping Diana and me healthy is a never ending passion and presents plenty of challenges! Travel dreams are also passions, and I can't wait until they are travel realities!

Antonio: Design! Antonio has been using Google Sketch-up to design all sorts of things he would like to build. He has also been spending a lot of time playing the game Mindcraft where he spends a lot of his time designing buildings, inside and out, and landscaping. Antonio also spends a fair amount of time perfecting his drum playing on Band Hero. He is taking in the good weather with walks in the woods and free running romps.

Esme: Esme recently finished watching the first season of the series Dollhouse which peaked her interest in topics like personality, the nature of free will, and science fiction in general. She is very much into fashion and puts her outfits together carefully everyday. She also gets outside and still loves rollerblading whether in sun or rain. A somewhat new interest is cooking. Esme has been making recipes for herself from various Asian cookbooks that we have procured from the library, and she loves everything she makes. As usual, Esme spends time most days drawing, writing, and roleplaying. Esme is excited about the potential to meet other teens at the Shine conference. Oh! Esme has also mastered hiragana.

Josie: Josie has been reading and reading and reading. Some of her latest books include The Indigo Notebook by Laura Resau, Hold Still by Nina LaCour, and Sprout by Dale Peck. In between reading novels, she reads manga, random picture books, and nonfiction. JoAnn has also been spending some online time at the site iscribble where you use group collaboration to make works of art. Her other interests include cooking, spending time alone in the quiet woods, and learning how to do everything Ant can do. (She wants to replace him as all around handyman.)

Lia: Lia is currently spending a lot of her time on iscribble. She likes both the drawing and social interaction parts of it. Lia has started reading longer novels (recently she read Holly's Secret by Nancy Garden), but I wouldn't call it a passion. She is passionate about swimming and ~~nags~~ encourages us to go as often as we possibly can! She also enjoys playing kickball, tag, and other active games with her sibs, baking tasty things like cakes and cookies, and doing crafty projects.

Book Review: Magic in Manhattan Series by Sarah Mlynowski

2010-04-19T10:58:00.002-04:00

The Magic in Manhattan series by Sarah Mlynowski consists of four books: Bras & Broomsticks, Frogs & French Kisses, Spells & Sleeping Bags, and Parties & Potions. The series follows Rachel Weinstein as she learns about witchcraft and tries to get her perfect boyfriend.

The first two books of the series deal with with Rachel's rather typical high school life, and family life which includes her new witch sister, her witch mother (who has kept this facet of her life hidden from her daughters until this point), her dad (who is divorced from her mom), and her dad's girlfriend and her daughter. In these books, Rachel often comes across as unlikeable, and both her and her sister Miri tend to feel more like stereotypes than like real people to me. The books do not flow very well and the plot elements are overdone.

In the third book, Rachel and Miri go to summer camp, and both of the characters develop a bit. I enjoyed this book a lot more than the first two. This may be due at least partly to the summer camp element. I love summer camp stories.

The fourth book, Parties & Potions is the real winner of the series. Rachel and Miri both emerge as fully developed characters with both positive and negative traits. The books' situations seem realistic (given the obviously non-realistic witch theme), and Rachel faces real dilemmas and arrives as character that we can relate to and like as she explores who she is and the meaning of love. Unfortunately this book is not a stand alone read so you have to slog through the first two and breeze through the third to get to this last one which is a bit deeper and a lot better story.

I would recommend these books to those who like books about teen witches. If you have already read the first two, definitely go on and finish, even if your reaction to those was only so-so. You will be glad that you did.

Book Review: Lily Dale Series by Wendi Corsi Staub

2010-04-12T19:21:00.002-04:00

I stumbled upon this series of mystery ghost stories set in the village of Lily Dale in Western New York while browsing the young adult section at the library. Having grown up somewhat near Lily Dale which is a real spiritualist community, I was intrigued to see another book series set in that location and checked the first one, Lily Dale: Awakening out.

I really enjoyed the book. There are a lot of novels out there set in the Lily Dale location, and I thought that Awakening had a unique plot and a wonderful mystery component. The story follows Calla, a Florida teen whose mother dies during an accident. Calla's dad, a college professor, is slated to leave for a visiting professorship in California, and Calla goes to stay temporarily with her grandmother (her mother's mother) in Lily Dale. The catch is that Calla does not know her grandmother well, and her mother kept pretty much everything from her childhood a secret from both her daughter and her husband.

There are several subplots as Calla learns about the spiritualist bent of her new town, and deals with both the death of her mother and being the new kid in a very small community. I would recommend this book to kids, teens, and adults who love mysteries without reservation if it wasn't for the fact that I have also read the second book in the series, Lily Dale: Believing.

Awakening ends with a cliffhanger. I started Believing a couple of weeks later. I was disappointed by the way the author kept adding things from the first book in a rather disconnected "by the way" manner. It really messed up the flow of the first few chapters. Then some of the mystery subplots became just too graphic for me. I was not prepared for a realistic horror component. I had a nightmare the day I started Believing.

Of course, the books are mysteries, and my curiosity was aroused, so I will be staying with this series until the end. I can recommend it for those who love mysteries, and don't mind horror or an occasional lack of flow in the name of catching the reader up. I will update more after I have read the other books.

Book Review: 11 Birthdays by Wendy Mass

2010-04-06T09:43:00.003-04:00

After falling in love with Every Soul a Star by Wendy Mass, I was eager to read some of her other novels. Of course, there are a lot of books that I am eager to read so it has taken me awhile, but I just finished 11 Birthdays.

11 Birthdays has a plot reminiscent of the movie Groundhog Day. Amanda and Leo are born in the same hospital on the same day. Through a series of what seem to be coincidences their parents meet. Then on their first birthday it happens again, and they have a joint party eventually becoming friends. Every year, they celebrate their birthday together.

At their tenth birthday party, Amanda overhears a conversation that destroys their friendship. When their eleventh birthday comes around, the days start repeating, and Amanda needs to figure out the mystery of why so that life can continue as normal again!

Although their are a few twists and turns, for the most part the plot of this book is predictable. It is still a rather interesting plot, and I enjoyed the book a lot, but there was nothing extra to move it up into the exceptional category. This would be a fun book for the intended age range (around 8-13), but I would not recommend it to those who are at a higher reading level or as a read aloud for younger children. There are better things out there.

When You Reach Me - Book Review

2010-03-17T21:42:00.003-04:00

I first heard of the novel, When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead, when I saw its name on several lists of the best novels for children from 2009. It found its way onto my reading list, and I recently completed. Wow! It was a really good book. I can't quite give it five out of five stars because it didn't quite meet my expectation (which were pretty hight.) The story was wonderful, but I think the author (not me but actually this particular author) could have told it better.

That said, she still did a great job! Short choppy chapters show us bits and pieces of characters in a New York City neighborhood in the '70's. These short and choppy chapters, and bits and pieces somehow do a great job of creating fully developed characters. As the story progresses, both going forward and using a lot of back story, a mystery is slowly created, and we see seemingly random individuals lives connect and intertwine in ways that are both highly unbelievable and somehow completely believable. I don't want to tell to much because it is essential that you start at the beginning to get to the end.

Although this book has definitely been written with the intermediate ages (10-13 perhaps) in mind, I think this is a book that needs some prior knowledge to get everything you can out of it making it most suited to teens and adults. On the other had, an intelligent and curious child might have new avenues of exploration opened by this story leading to a desire to reread it after tangents have been explored and thought threads connected.

I highly recommend When You Reach Me not only for children but for people of all ages looking for a really good story!

Unschoolers

2010-03-07T16:27:00.002-05:00

Those who think unschoolers will never develop drive and ambition should meet my kids. I was just discussing their dance practice with them and talking about the fun and pleasure of it, and there was a consensus between JoAnn, Lia, and Esme that they don't like to do things just for the pleasure of them! They think nothing is worthwhile if it doesn't involve hard work and accomplishments!

(Note, they certainly haven't heard this line of reasoning from me!)

Sunshiny Mornings

2010-03-05T09:06:00.003-05:00

These sunshiny mornings in the early spring make me sad for those kids in the school buses whisking by. I my kids wake early using their own free will with smiles on there faces as they watch the sun sparkle on the snow outside. Long walks tramping across the top of the hardened snow in the sunshine ensue and romps in the woods, tree climbing and hole digging, lots of learning and larping and playing...these are wonderful days!

There is plenty of excitement as our world thaws out.

Family and the Two C's

2010-03-03T09:49:00.001-05:00

My word for 2009 is "Celebrate," and of course, most of my celebrating includes my wonderful family. We have been celebrating all the new and full moons, and other special occasions that have come to pass, and I can see that it is a good thing for us to have this regular together time.

As I have been celebrating, I have realized how important it is to focus on another "C" word, and that word is communication. So the two words, celebrate and communicate, have become linked in my mind as my focal points for the year. It is scary to communicate. There are so many fears! One can be rejected, or ask a stupid questions, or make someone angry or sad, or make a fool of oneself.

Even in the most close and loving families, each person is an individual with their own likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. It is so important to talk, talk, talk (or write, write, write). Don't let others get in the way of getting your needs met. Ask for what you need. If people's needs are conflicting, even more discussion is needed. Think outside that box. Find a solution. You may not be able to please everyone every time, but you should be able to find mutually agreeable solutions most of the time.

If you do something wrong, say that you are sorry. If you change your mind about something, let others know right away. If you have doubts or worries share them, and of course, also share you enthusiasm and joy! Ask for the things you need. Compliment those who deserve it. "Thank you" and "I love you" should not be neglected.

We are not perfect here at Faerie Gardens, but we are all working at being open, authentic individuals living a consensual life that we can all be happy with.

Babies

2010-02-09T08:15:00.006-05:00

We have been helping take care of our grandson Benji on a somewhat regular basis since he was born last August. Although it can be a lot of work, it is also a lot of fun. It is cool having a baby around the house. It is also cool seeing how my kids respond to him. Esme stayed with her big sister for nearly 2 months after he was born and so had the first taste of baby care. She said it wasn't hard and is still quite a good auntie to her little nephew.

Josie is the most dedicated baby carer now though. If Benji even makes a peep, she is there to see if he needs anything. She is the one who plays with him when he is tired or grouchy often for inexplicable reasons, being with him until the mood passes or until she can figure out what he wants or needs. No one asks her to do these things; she is just super responsive to him. I think they are forming quite the connection. It is funny because she use to be the one of my kids who would say that they never wanted kids because they were too much work!

Lia has a disadvantage of never having had a younger siblings, but the advantage of being around babies and toddlers on a somewhat regular basis when visiting Damita. She was a natural with Benji right from the start, but at 12 is still a bit too young to have the motherly interest in him that Josie and Es do. She is a good playmate for him, and she has a special connection with Diana and me that makes her especially sensitive to our stresses which leads her to be likely to volunteer to help out when we need a break most, even if it is not the best time for her.

Antonio has been the wild card. When we discussed the possibility of taking care of Benji regularly with the kids, he said, "I don't care, but I'm not good with babies." Well we now have proof that Ant is very good with babies. Matter of fact, Benji has this special look that he gives Ant. Ant says that he looks like him like he is a god! I would describe it as a look of awe. If Benji is in the least fussy, he completely calms and quiets at the site of Ant and just stares at him! Ant is also responsive to Benji helping him when he can (and helping me too of course!) He is even known to hold Benji and take him in his room to play on occasion.

One of the cool things about having a baby in the house for me is that I get to practice unschooling philosophy with him which is something that I didn't do with my own children. (Of course, I had never heard of unschooling, and it certainly wasn't the advice coming out in popular baby care books of the late '80's.) There is a part of me that feels shaky at not controlling Benji more. He doesn't have a schedule! I just follow his lead meeting his needs as best as I can. The truth is that it is a wonderful way to raise a baby, and Benji is for the most part a calm and happy boy with a curious personality and a ton of energy! He seems very secure and willing to go with the flow. I am so happy to have him as a part of my life!

Musing on Books: Lavinia by Ursula LeGuin and The Last Unicorn by Peter Beagle

2010-02-06T13:57:00.004-05:00

Lavinia is a retelling of Vergil's Aeneid from the point of view of a rather minor character, Lavinia, Vergil's final wife. Although I didn't love the style of the book (it didn't have enough depth to make up for the lack of flow that I prefer in my fictional reading), the strong themes of "who are we as individuals" and "is life a story" made it an enjoyable experience.

I recently read The Last Unicorn by Peter Beagle which also has the redeeming value of those two themes (although the books are very different in style and story.) I always find it interesting when themes repeat in books that I read one after the other, especially books that are so very different and are chosen fairly at random by myself to read. I have been pondering a lot lately what makes me who I am, and what makes life what it is.

Last night, I also watched the movie The Last Unicorn. Unfortunately the movie completely leaves out the "who am I" theme, and the "is life a story theme" is so buried as to be almost nonexistent. It was sad to me that the movie was so unfaithful to the purpose of the book.

Christmas

2009-12-26T11:31:00.001-05:00

The kids favorite presents this year -

Lia - Rock Hero

JoAnn - monkey hoodie

Es - Pocky

Ant - Nexxon cash

Astronomy

2009-12-15T17:28:00.002-05:00

The kids have all taken an interest in astronomy lately. I think it is the large number of clear nights that we have been having. I notice that I always tend to notice the stars more in the winter myself. They have been identifying constellations and naming some of their own. (In our family, we can now find the big dipper, the little dipper, and the tiny dipper! I bet most of you don't know where that one is!)

ARGH

2009-11-13T12:30:00.005-05:00

My family recently attended our first unschooling gathering, ARGH, in the mountains of Northeast Tennessee. For the most part, it was a wonderful, positive experience, and it was through and through a learning experience for all of us.

Our trip began not too early Saturday morning when we headed south on Interstate 81. We very nearly traveled the entire length of I-81 on our journey. Esme, Jo, and Lia were piled into the rear seat of the minivan, a large cooler and several bags of snacks, books, and audio tapes took up the middle seat, and Diana and I did our best to make ourselves comfortable up front. Our day consisted of driving down to the NY state border and then through Pennsylvania, Maryland, West Virginia, and halfway through Virginia. We stopped and took pics in rest stops in each state with the exception of Maryland which we were in for less than 30 minutes on a very busy highway with no rest areas in sight. It was nice to feel the temperatures rise and to watch the trees become leafier as we headed south. As with our earlier trip to NYC, I-81 in PA was very slow going! That got us a couple of hours off schedule leading to no lengthy stop for lunch and arriving about an hour later than anticipated at our motel in Verona, VA.

To keep expenses to a minimum, we decided to not eat out during our trip except for dinner this Halloween night which was chosen from the dollar menu at McDonald's. We were all soon asleep in beds in the motel and awoke early the next morning to a very skimpy continental breakfast courtesy of the motel. In spite of heavy rainfall, we were all excited about our first stop of the day, Foamhenge, a life-sized replica of Stonehenge made out of styrofoam! After a twenty minute drive, we trekked up a muddy slope and were not disappointed! It was magnificent, well worth the walk even in the rain. We hope to return one day when it is not raining for a more lengthy visit.

Our drive continued south through Virginia then into Tennessee. The route was a little confusing when we entered Bristol, a border city that is part VA and part TN. There was no sign really saying that we had entered Tennessee, but we kept following our trusty Google directions and eventually got where we were going. We had one last stop before Roan Mountain State Park. We were stopping to get some groceries. At first, we had thought that we would bring all the food we would need with us, but I was worried about keeping that much food fresh for two days so we decided to plan a stop at Elizabethton to stock up on the food that we would need for the next few days. This took much longer than I had expected. We were all a little on edge after two days of travel, and the people in the store were so slow! After a lot of people watching mixed in with my shopping, I realized it wasn't a bad thing. It seemed that everyone was just going at their own pace doing what they needed to do with no rush or hurry. Even the cashiers were extra patient, going with the flow one step at a time in an extremely busy store! I don't know if this is a southern thing or not, but it definitely had a different feel compared to my usual shopping trips where everyone is in such a hurry! At the Tennessee store, we were the ones who were hurrying. It was sort of embarrassing. I felt a little bit like we stood out from everyone else as outsiders even though I was in a large store in a not-too-small city on a busy Sunday afternoon.

When we got out of the store, I was disappointed because I realized that we were definitely going to arrive at the campground later than I was hoping to. I was working hard to let go of my disappointment and to just go with the flow, when Diana noted that the clock in the store said an hour earlier. All of a sudden, we all realized that we forgot to set our clocks back! We were right on time.

Arriving at the campground was very scary to me. I am not a people person. I have an irrational fear of people, and when I am coming to a place where I am somewhat expected to interact with others, with no clearly defined rules or expectations, I tend to fall apart. I should have recognized faces from the internet, but suddenly my memory was faulty and I couldn't remember who anyone was! We had talked at home about what to expect walking into a gathering where a lot of the people already knew each other. All of us were trying to have no expectations other than just having fun together in a beautiful setting, but at this point, I was worried that I would never be able to even ask anyone where to pick up my key!

A few people who arrived said hi, but that was the extent of the conversation. We started carrying our bags to our cabin and piling them on the porch. Then I saw Ren, and I was 100% sure that I recognized her! So, we went over, and Laura came, and we got our keys, and I was able to relax a bit.

Note, in the midst of my anxiety, I couldn't help but basking in the beautiful surroundings. I have been many beautiful places, but this was magnificent!!! If you are looking for a quiet, beautiful, inexpensive vacation place with lots of amenities, I highly recommend Roan Mountain State Park. Even if ARGH were never to take place there again, we would love to go back and enjoy the beauty/explore some more!

The next few hours were a blur of unpacking, putting up the Halloween decorations, and putting on costumes. (Not me, 'cause I was not going to trick or treat. I was hoping to spend absolutely as much time as possible alone in the cabin on this trip!) Then, after getting directions, we piled into the car and headed to the conference center. More beauty was everywhere! Deer in every field, gorgeous foliage, the nearly ever present fog on the mountains, sunset, moon rise...well you get the picture!

Esme, JoAnn, and Lia were feeling shy, but still got their make up done for trick or treating. We all like to participate. Sometimes I think that we are odd unschoolers. Even Diana had a bunny nose and whiskers done. We met a few people, but I was not feeling particularly social, and that is OK. The kids and Diana in various combinations along with various people that they met along the way had fun trick-or-treating, and I handed out candy and spider rings to lots of trick or treaters. There was such a festive feeling, and everyone was so nice. By the end of the evening, Lia had a new friend, and the rest of us were more than ready for a good night's sleep.

The beds in the cabin were very, very soft! I fall victim to soft beds with a resulting lower back pain that can be relieved only with lots and lots of pain reliever and ultimately time. The next morning, my back was aching. It wasn't too horrible though, and I hoped that by pursuing my normal activities I would be able to coax it back to health. The day was filled with funshops including making candied apples, henna, and well other things that now seem just a blur! Esme and JoAnn found their way to the hang out cabin and met a few tweens and teens. Diana set up her wares at the untrepreneurial fair and sold a couple of items. I was hoping to have a few hours alone at the cabin in the afternoon, but it didn't seem to be in the cards. I did get a long walk in the woods and a hot bath, both of which were very nice in spite of my back.

That night was a potluck dinner in honor of Day of the Dead. Diana had decorated a sugar skull and carved an apple in honor of her stepfather Frank who died this past August. I made roasted veggies and marinated cucumbers as our contributions to the dinner, and the girls brought paper plates, plastic silverware, napkins, cups, and soda to contribute to the group effort. Lia, Jo, and Es ate with people who they had met that day, and Lia made plans for a sleepover with a new friend. Diana and I found seats and enjoyed a succulent buffet of tasty dishes. Wow! The food was wonderful! Diana and I and several of the other people at our table particularly liked some sweet potato scones which I hope to find the recipe for and recreate myself!

Unfortunately, my back was getting worse, not better. The seats were at a bad height for me, and I didn't bring a pillow with me to help get a good position. (I thought of it, and I should have!) Diana took me home shortly after we finished eating. At that point, I didn't care about socializing. I just wanted to get comfortable. There was a lot of confusion that evening. Lia had her sleepover, and Esme had decided to spend the night in the hangout cabin. Josie did not want to spend the night in the hangout cabin. She didn't want to spend the evening alone with Diana and me either though. She was very sad that she takes longer to get close to people than Lia and Es do. We talked a very long time about a lot of things until she was doing better. You can't change who you are. It is OK to take a long time for feel intimate with someone. It is OK to not want to play games that other people think are fun but you don't. It is OK to be yourself, even if you feel very different or on the outside of other people. Those are lessons that took me a long time to learn. JoAnn and Antonio are much like me in those ways, but I believe because they do not attend school, they have learned those lessons better and quicker than perhaps I ever will.

In the end, Esme came home and spent the night with Josie. She knew that Jo was sad, and she wanted to be with her more than away with people who she didn't know well yet. Es and Jo played PGSM and ate Halloween treats late into the night. My night was not so pleasant. I could not find a way to sleep. My back pain had become severe. There seemed to be no comfortable (to me) seat anywhere in the cabin! The worst part was that I had forgotten to even bring pain relievers with us. The next morning, Diana took me to the store to get some pain reliever. This was definitely an act of love considering how much she disliked driving on those mountain roads. It was a good trip though. We were able to call Antonio and check on him. (There is no cell phone reception at the park at all!) She also filled the gas tank so we would be heading home with a full tank.

The pain reliever made the pain bearable, but I still needed lots of rest and had to accept the fact that I had to limit my activities. There were some events that I had wanted to attend that day that I had to let slip by, Diana also. I had hoped that we could go to Carver's Gap, matter of fact that was one of the parts of the trip that was most exciting to me, and I had to let that go too. Diana and I had a quiet day in our little home in the mountains. I read on the porch and made a fall feast of turkey cutlets, stuffing, baked yams, and apple cherry wine for our dinner. Diana did art and took photos and read. The girls were out and about socializing, and we really didn't see them except for a moment or two all day! In the evening, we regrouped and headed to the conference center for the talent show.

This time, I had brought a pillow and was in it for the long haul! I love talent shows, and this one was wonderful! Our girls danced to a j-pop song among other things. I have heard a lot of good things about unschooling talent shows through the years, but the thing that really struck me (coming from a mainstream world) was how many kids on the spur of the moment decided to perform! If you were at a typical public school with a similar sort of event, very few kids would volunteer to get up in front of everyone and perform. The confidence was so shiny!

Although my back was a bit better, once again we did not stay for dancing or socializing. I needed to rest. That night, Esme stayed in the hangout cabin until late and then joined her sisters. I got up early the next morning and started packing up our cabin and doing a bit of light housekeeping. The girls soon followed and carted everything out to the car. The two girls who Lia was close to had both already left, so we decided to not stay for the closing circle but to head home. Diana was hoping to make it in one day! The gathering sort of lingered as we retraced our route home seeing various other ARGH attendees at rest areas along I-81.

What did we learn? Diana learned that our kids do not fight a lot! I realize that this is a subjective thing, but as an only child, Diana never really had to get along with other kids in her home on a regular basis. I think our kids are excellent problem solvers, very loving towards each other, and get along great. Diana has thought that they have too many disagreements, but what she hasn't seen is that they are pretty good at solving these disagreements and that living with a bunch of people is inevitably going to lead to disagreements that you have to work out. At ARGH, several people commented on how well our daughters got along with each other, also how well behaved they were (although we are used to that!) This was good for Diana to hear.

Esme learned that all teens are not the same, and that she can fit in with a group of teens and have fun in real life. She also learned that the next few years have many different options for her, and that she has many different roads and activities that she can explore throughout the rest of her teen years.

Josie learned that although she may be slow to get close to new people, that that does not mean that she isn't OK or that she will never have friends. She learned that there are different ways to go about making friends, and she is on the way to finding the right ones for her.

Lia learned that there are other people out there who are not obsessed with school, sports, or boys.

Ant learned that although he can survive a nearly a week on his own, life is more fun with the rest of us!

I learned that even when I am not able to function well and when things don't turn out the way I had planned or hoped, I can still be OK and have fun in a different way. I also had new seeds planted on why I have felt more discontent the last few months. I will write more about the another time though.

Sharing

2009-08-31T09:59:00.002-04:00

Interesting blog post

http://zombieprincess.blogspot.com/2009/07/mindful-learning.html

Xanth

2009-08-24T08:44:00.003-04:00

It is time for another book review, actually a series review! The Xanth series by Piers Anthony is one of Diana's favorite (perhaps her very favorite) series of books. She compelled me to read them, and I have been chugging along through the series off and on for the last few years. I just today finished book 21, Faun & Games.

Although your views may vary, and Diana's views certainly do, I find a lot of problems with these books. First, they do not hold my attention. I can never seem to pin down exactly what the problem is. There is fantasy. There are interesting plots. The books are filled with unique characters, and yet, it is very easy for me to put the books down. I honestly think it is the writing style.

Note, this isn't a problem with Piers Anthony in general. I loved the Incarnations of Immortality series which I read in its entirety in one fell swoop. I have also read other random Piers Anthony novels with no problems. It seems to be the Xanth novels in particular that I have a problem with. They do not seem completed. It is more like someone had an idea for a book and just wrote about it off the top of their head with no proper plot development, character development, subtle foreshadowing, etc. I think I like my novels a bit more complex.

I also have a problem with the stereotyping. Others seem to find it a form of social commentary, but I just find it trite and not creative.

A bit of background for those of you who are not familiar with Xanth, Xanth is a world that looks rather similar to the state of Florida. In Xanth, all people have magic talents. There are also a host of magic creatures like centaurs, dragons, fauns, and griffins. Plots tend to revolve around various quests that the characters need to complete, and figures from our world (Mundania) figure prominently in many of the books. In some ways, Xanth is a Utopian world. The material things that people need grow on trees so it is not necessary for people to work for those things in the typical "mundane" way. The literalization of puns plays a huge part in the world of Xanth and the plots of the novels.

Faun & Games tells the story of a faun, Forrest, who is the caretaker of a sandal tree. His best friend is the faun who is the caretaker of the clog tree near his. When the clog tree faun disappears, Forrest heads out on a quest to find a new faun for the clog tree so that the clog tree will not suffer the horrible fate of becoming mundane. The book was not the worst of the series nor the best.

If you choose to read this series, I do find it best to read all the books in order. Many say that they don't, but there is a lot of background information built into the earlier novels, and all of the novels regularly refer to things that took place in the earlier novels with an expectation that you will have some inkling what is being talked about. I think if you just jumped in, you would miss out on a lot!

If you like fantasy and puns, you may want to give this series a try. The first book A Spell for Chameleon has a particularly nice plot and very lovable characters. When I have complained about the lack of complexity in the plots, Diana has stated that they are children's books, but I definitely disagree on this point. The books are not marketed to children or teens. There is a lot of sexual innuendo, which although we do not mind it in our family, I know many people would feel was inappropriate for children, but most importantly, if I find a book boring, I think that kids would find it even more so! I would not recommend these books to my kids although they are welcome to read them if they so choose.

If you try the Xanth books, and don't find them to your liking, don't give up on Piers Anthony. You may want to give the Incarnations of Immortality a try (again the first book, On a Pale Horse is stand alone good) or one of his other series. Please don't judge this talented and prolific author on one series that seems like just a fill in to the good stuff to me.

Not Back to School

2009-08-18T11:20:00.002-04:00

I am writing this post particularly for the Carnival of Unschooling Life which has the theme of Not Back to School this month. The thing that hit me when I thought about the theme is that we don't even really note the "back to school" time in our household anymore.

I do remember though, back when my now 21 yo was a five year old, and when she didn't go to a first day of kindergarten. I definitely noticed all the buses that year on the first day. All the children lined up in stiff new clothes that looked too warm for the weather and brandnew backpacks filled with school supplies. Of course, in a week, they all look pretty much as worn as the ones from the end of the previous year, but that day, I could nearly smell the freshly sharpened pencils as I watched through my front curtains.

Emma was up and writing something on a piece of paper and seeming quite content. I was content too, but maybe there was a part of me that was wistful for the idealized version of school that many seem to fall victim too.

Fast forward sixteen years. My four still at home kids now 11, 13, 15, and 17 don't pay any attention to the first day of school. I don't even know when it is! We do occasionally take advantage of back to school sales; you can't beat 25 cents for a box of 24 Crayola crayons or 500 sheets of lined paper for a dime. Since these sales seem to start right after the Fourth of July in our neck of the woods, they don't really correspond to school starting.

We just live our lives. School is something other people do for reasons that we often find hard to fathom. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Birthday Weekend

2009-07-27T21:45:00.002-04:00

It is birthday time here at Faerie Gardens. Wednesday was Diana's birthday, and we celebrated with a picnic at Mexico Point. Here special dessert was a Wattamelon Roll complete with candle (and vanilla ice cream for me who doesn't like it very much!)

Saturday was Josie's 13th birthday. Now I only have one preteen left! We celebrated with a special dinner of pepper steak, salt potatoes, and roast corn (which was for Diana too 'cause it is her favorite.) The we went to Harborfest for the pyrotechnic display with Diana's nanny and dad. We finished up the night with a dark chocolate layer cake with cream cheese icing.

Today is Ant's birthday, and we are going on a trip to Super Walmart in a little bit to pick out a special dessert for him. The kids love going to Super Walmart in the middle of the night so it should be fun for all!

New Fun!

2009-07-24T21:57:00.002-04:00

Lia and Esme have recently taken up watercolor painting. Esme is glad to add another medium to her artistic endeavors and is pleased how her watercolor pieces have come out. Lia has been doing a lot of paintings on a large scale and gifting us all. She has also been using poster paints in conjunction with stamps to make designs and cards.

Esme sold some things and used the profits to buy a Pullip doll which she has named Giselle Xander Shelle. Ultimately she wants to add an obitsu body and new eyes and move into doing doll customization and picture stories.

Antonio has been going through bursts of high energy activity coupled with, to be expected, quiet and tired times. He has declared that he wants to know everything (he takes after me), and considering the new tidbits of info that he shares with us every day, he is well on his way to getting there. He has had an increasing interest in cars which has led to more of an interest in cars in Jo and myself. We have had lots of family convos about various automobile related things. Mabinogi is his MMO of choice at the moment.

On the book front, Diana, Es, Jo, and I have all enjoyed Bad Kitty and the follow up Kitty Kitty. Those books are so hilarious! We are looking forward to another one being added to the series soon.

The wii is still a big thing, but it seems to have taken on a different role in our life. It is now something someone turns to when they can't think of anything else to do. Sort of a last choice. Antonio also uses it to placate Lia when she is antsy. If she is having trouble being herself and eleven, Ant will notice and ask her to play wii, and it often gets her past a bad mood time.

Oh! I almost forgot that we seem to have entered another sewing cycle. It started with Zelly (Es's pullip.) In order to afford her, Esme had to do a share which basically means that someone else paid half the price for the doll in exchange for Esme sending her Zelly's clothes. So of course, Esme had to sew some new clothes for her. This led to all the girls sewing, and they have been sewing a couple of times a week ever since.

Also, the kids were gifted with SIMS2 for the computer from their big sis Em, and they have all been playing that but especially JoAnn and Lia!

Five Tips for Surviving the Summer

2009-07-20T17:07:00.002-04:00

When I am around mainstream parents, both here online, and out there in meatspace, I often hear griping about their kids being out of school for the summer. Oh, some kids go to camp, and some go to daycare, but there are a lot of parents who seem to be very unhappy to be spending extra time with their kids during summer vacation.

This obviously isn't a problem here. We are together all the time, and for the most part enjoy it. Summer is actually the best because we can go outside whenever we want a lot more easily than in the winter. I have been thinking a bit lately about those parents whose views are so different from ours and thought I might give them some advice, so here it goes!

Five Tips for Surviving Summer Vacation with Your Kids

1. Change your terminology! It may sound simple, but simply changing the words that you both use and think can help change your whole frame of mind. Do not worry about surviving the summer, instead think about how to make sure that each member of your family shines through the summer! Summer is the perfect time to cement relationships with the other members of your family regardless of their ages. Focus on shining, and bringing out each person's best, and your positive attitude is sure to rub off on all!

2. Make a list. That's right. Make a list, and while you're at it go ahead and check it twice! List fun activities that you think your kids might like to do. List fun things that you want to do! List things that your partner has been talking about or excited about in the past (if you have a partner, if you don't, count your blessings that you don't have to consider their thoughts too. It is always best to look on the bright side.) When you need to get away, or the kids are bored, or there is a rainy day, or an unexpected sunny day after a rainy day, pull out the list! In our family, we all have so many interests and things that we want to do, but we often forget them when opportunity strikes. Don't let that happen to you.

3. Don't be afraid to ignore the list! That's right. After making a list, and checking it twice, remember that this is your children's summer vacation and perhaps the best thing that you can provide for them is freedom! Let your kids stay up late and then sleep late the next day if they want. Let them have breakfast at 1 pm, and dinner at midnight. Take a 2 am run to the 24 hour grocery for emergency ice cream. If you've planned a trip to the zoo, and realize at the last minute that a trip to the beach is what the kids really want, change your plans, grab your suits and towels, and head to the beach! You may not be committed to a full time unschooling lifestyle, but summer vacation is the perfect time to give your kids a taste of the freedom that unschooling kids have everyday.

4. Cultivate interests. School can be all consuming, and the standard curriculum greatly limits the things that your kids spend their time on during the school year. Many kids want nothing other than to veg out in front of the TV after they get home. When kids are feeling refreshed in the summer, it may be the perfect time for the projects and learning that don't fit with that standard curriculum. Does your thirteen year old have a passion for science? Strew your house with science related books from the library and enlist their help in stocking a laboratory in the basement. How about your ten year old who has been talking about trying out for a play? See what theater opportunities are available in your neck of the woods. If you can't find anything that meets her needs, see if you can gather together some neighborhood kids for an impromptu theater project.

5. Play. The absolutely best thing that you can do for your kids this summer vacation is to play with them! Share in their interests and their fun. Be a part of their lives, and you will create relationships with them that will last a lifetime.

Sharing

2009-07-18T18:09:00.001-04:00

A wonderful blog post that I read today...

Yes, I Really Love My Children

Reward or Payment?

2009-07-18T17:23:00.002-04:00

Just recently, I read a group of articles put out by one parenting site in which parents (self proclaimed experts really) posted their views on giving children rewards. The articles were contradicatory towards one another, and that was sort of the point. In terms of the article's strength, and the comment response, the article opposed to using rewards was the definite winner in the debate (if that is what it was.)

Now, I am going to share my views, and they just might surprise you. Yes, I am an unschooler. I believe that my children can and should do those things that they choose to do, using their own brains to reason out what is best for them, with me providing helpful, well thoughtout input and giving them access to lots of other input so that their decisions will be well informed. In general, I agree that children should not be given rewards for their behavior. I want my kids to figure out what they want to do and what is best for them, not do things 'cause I might give them something. So far no surprises right?

There is another side though. Our society works on a system where people get paid for doing work. I believe that seeing first hand how this works is the best way to learn about the system. In our house, this is where "rewards" come in, but I prefer to not call them rewards but rather payments. If I would like something done around the house, I may offer my child the job in exchange for a payment. (In our house, the common currency is paper tickets like the kind you get at the carnival which can be exchanged for various things and activities as they come available.)

Now there are a few things that keep this system under control. First of all, I don't offer the kids payments for things that most people do for themselves without payment like picking up after themselves. Second, I still ask my kids if they are available to help me with various things like switching laundry or making dinner without offering payment. Third, all my kids help in various ways getting the house in order after dinner just as part of the family without expecting payment too. No one is required to do this, they just want to be a part of taking care of the house and family. In other words, my kids are normal, helpful family members who do not expect payment for normal life activities.

Also, I do not ever require the kids to do anything for payment. This would defeat the purpose. In the real world, you can choose whether to take a job or not. I realize that some people may feel forced into a situation, but there is always a choice on some level. I want my kids to know this! Of course, if one kid says no, the job is often offered to another who will then get the payment.

This method has worked well in our family for a couple of years now. It is the best of both worlds. Of course as unschoolers, we are not offering our kids rewards for things like A's or school work or reading books! Also, if we had more financial resources, I would prefer to give my kids cash payments instead of tickets, but they understand that.

When Principles Collide

2009-07-10T14:21:00.002-04:00

As an unschooling parent, I strive to live my life by principle as opposed to rules. I raise my kids to be the same way. It is agreed by many philosophers and social theorists that the highest level of ethical development is having a clearly developed set of personal principles that are logical, univeral, and consistent that one makes one's decisions based on.

Broad principles such as human life is more valuable than property may seem obvious, but when they filter down to every day decisions it can be anything but simple!

My thoughts today have to do with when one's child is making decisions based on a principle that one disagrees with. From an unschooling point of view, what is the right thing to do when principles collide? This can be a tricky situation, and I believe that the proper response is going to vary based on the child. This happened today, and I thought I would evaluate my behavior based on my principles without giving details that might violate my child's privacy.

First, I stood up for my principles. I have a principle that influences my life that says that I need to respond when someone does something that I feel is wrong. I do have levels of response. If it is something that I do not feel would be helped in any way by my direct involvement, I often respond with a general blog post. I am not responding to the person whose morals I disagree with directly, but I am putting my ideas out there in the hope that I might make someone think outside the box. If I do think that I could help directly, I will usually plant seeds. Most people do not respond to direct conflict, so I will very casually plant ideas in someones head so that they might think differently the next time. The third response is actually my rarest. If I am close to someone, and I know that they value my opinion, I will share my principle directly. My children fall into this category, so I did share my opinion. Because the principle being violated was one that I feel strongly about, I was honest and told her that I thought that she was wrong, and I told her exactly why. Note, there are others who might agree with her, but the issue was one that I felt strongly about, and I needed to know that she knew how I felt and why.

Secondly, I supported her. She was upset by this conflict of our views, so I held her and let her cry and did not express anything else that could be contrued as judgement. This was upholding my principle to support my children no matter what even if they disagree with me. Then I gave her time alone which I knew she wanted. This supported the principle of treating people as individuals and respecting their individual needs. At this point, being human, I was doubting my behavior. Maybe I should have said nothing. Maybe I should have planted seeds...

I thought that I needed to touch bases with my child and see how she was feeling and tell her once again that she has my support, and that I realize that people see things differently and that I will still love her even if this is something that we disagree on. I also talked a bit with her about why she may have the opinions and values that she does in a non-negative or threatening manner. The principle involved here was that it is important to have a close relationship with one's kids.

Now there is one more thing. I am ashamed to say that I didn't really listen to my daughter. Not 100%. So...the principle of listening and trying to understand others' points of view is coming into play...I am going to talk to her some more right now!

Contests

2009-06-23T16:06:00.001-04:00

Since I am expecting a my first grandchild, I have an eye open for contests featuring prizes for mommies and babies. I have wanted to purchace a ring sling, but the good ones are so expensive! Today I saw this contest, and I am entering with hopes to win a prize.

Win a Sakura Bloom Ring sling and Aden and Anais Swaddling Blankets from Nature's Child - Wholesome goods for Mothers and Babies

The Eye of the Forest - Review

2009-06-06T16:15:00.002-04:00

The Eye of the Forest is the fifth book in the Children of the Lamp series by P. B. Kerr. The Children of the Lamp is a series of books about djinn (genies) aimed at 9-12 years olds. The main characters are twins, John and Philippa Gaunt, who upon reaching puberty discover that they are djinn. Djinn are of fire, and have powers such as being able to grant wishes and being able to travel outside of their bodies.

As far as series go, the Children of the Lamp is superior to many that I have read for this age group. The characters are well developed, the situations are unique, and the plots are interesting. I do not feel that the books are stand alone reads though. This is definitely a series to read in order, and most likely, after you have read one, you will want to read more. I have not noticed any inconsistencies from book to book up to this point.

Some particularly strong points that I have noticed from an unschooling point of view is that there is no focus on school in these books. The books take place in exotic locales, and the author includes fairly well researched information about the settings. Also the children are independent and interact well with adults forming friendships with people outside a limited peer group. In general, the books have a lack of ageism with people being treated as individuals regardless of how old they may happen to be.

The Eye of the Forest takes place mainly in the Amazon rain forest. The twins along with their Uncle Nimrod and a friend are trying to stop someone (they don't know who) from discovering the "Eye of the Forest" which is a mystical doorway leading seemingly to nowhere. In order to divert disaster, they must find the eye themselves. Of course, this involves lots of adventure and use of their particular djinn capabilities. There is a side theme involving the good and evil in all of us, and another dealing with rain forest deforestation. I was pleased that the ecological story line presented a well balanced picture showing the struggles of people who do participate in industries that can lead to deforestation as well as the obvious arguments against it.

All in all, I would recommend this book to those who enjoy series with a fantasy element and a lot of adventure. These books are suitable for all ages, but please note that the evil characters tend to be truly evil and truly bad things happen to some of the characters.

Blogging for LGBT Families Day 2009

2009-06-01T15:34:00.003-04:00

As most of you know, we are a two mommy family. It has been a busy weekend in a busy month, and today is a busy day, but Diana and I thought it was important that we do a post in honor of Blogging for LGBT Families Day. Since she is working outside the home today, and I am not, I have the honor of writing about our family.

When I met Diana in 2003, I was the single parent of five kids, Emma 15, Ant 11, Esme 9, Josie 7, and Lia 5. Were the kids in any way a hindrance to our relationship? Well, Diana had been trying to conceive for several years without success, and I couldn't help worry that she would be both overwhelmed and saddened by my large family. The kids' reactions varied. Some were very, very supportive. (It is wonderful to see your mom happy!) Others were surprised, but none were negative, and as our relationship progressed, with the exception of my oldest daughter who wanted to remain in the same city/neighborhood that she had grown up in, we all decided to move in together and become a family.

Adding five new people to your family is not that easy! Diana was an only child with no cousins close to her age. She was not use to having a lot of kids around. She was use to privacy, peace and quiet, and having a lot of control! Well anyone with a big family knows that privacy, and peace and quiet can be in short supply. Also, it tends to work best if you learn to let go of trying to control too many things and trust instead.

We worked it out though. We did our best to listen to and learn from each other. We have tried to honor each others' needs as we grow together. Diana now loves her "gift children" very much!

At this point, it seems more that this is an entry about blended families than about GLBT families. But you know what? That is because as GLBT family is just a family! I don't feel like we are any different from other families. Each family is formed in its own way! The members of our family all love each other. We work together for common goals, and we strive to help each other to meet our own individual goals. We strive to live consensually. We aren't perfect. We sometimes argue. We all sometimes make mistakes. In general though, it works, and we are all better together than we would be individually.

Remember, a family is a family. Ours isn't better or worse than anyone else's simply because it is led by two women instead of a woman and a man.

What Do They Do?

2009-05-12T13:43:00.002-04:00

I get this question a lot. I hate to pigeonhole my kids. Each one of them has diverse interests and participates in diverse activities. On the other hand, when I think about it, I do know what they do at least for now. For who knows, what they might be doing a year from now or five or ten. People change and grow and just get sick of one thing and move onto something else. It is the way it usually is and is good!

What does Antonio do? We invents things and makes things and improves things. I suppose he is an engineer. He also programs and plays video games. He excels at pixel art which he uses while developing video games. He also studies and learns things in pursuit of knowing everything. (He takes after his momma there.) He freeruns. His hobbies are drawing, writing fanfic, reading manga, and hiking/tree-climbing/nature study.

Esme is first and foremost a writer and drawer. That is where most of her time and energy is invested. She also socializes regularly online not only IM'ing with her four best friends, (they call themselves the Elite Five,) but also participating in diverse forums that are of interest to her as an active member and in some cases moderator. Her hobbies are rollerblading, reading, doll collecting, and sculpting.

JoAnn spends a lot of time reading and cooking. She reads more books, both novels and nonfiction, than anyone else in the house. She loves discussing what she reads and is the one to go to if you want a book suggestion. All of her reading has led to many interests, the strongest being all things Abraham Lincoln and all things India. She loves to cook and make complicated recipes from scratch. She is a loner in this (liking the solitude of being the only one in the kitchen), and I am happy to have her on board as family cook because cooking is not my favorite activity. JoAnn's hobbies are drawing, graphic design, and doll collecting. She also socializes online but not to the extent that Esme does.

Lia is a social butterfly. When she isn't playing with her siblings, she is actively involved with Diana or myself or over at one of her many friends houses. Lia loves to sing and dance. She also takes photos and videos. Her hobbies are science (fun experiments and anatomy), reading, and drawing.

Inkspell

2009-05-08T22:55:00.002-04:00

I just finished reading Inkspell by Cornelia Funke, the second book in the Inkworld Trilogy. This book was very similar to the first, Inkheart. It was rather slow and didactic, and not as riveting as the story concept leads me to believe it should be. I found myself picking up the book more often, eager to read, than with the first, but I think this was more because I had more of myself invested in the story than because the book was well written.

Fantasy stories can be very compelling, and once I have started a series, it is hard to stop reading prematurely unless the books become truly horrible. One improvement in this book was that the author did a better job of switching between view points to increase interest and move the plot along. There were a few times when one point of view was neglected for too long, and it was hard for me to pick it up where it had left off, but for the most part, I enjoyed that aspect of the story. I also liked the very short chapters. I am a fan of very short chapters because I can more easily read the book in short spurts of free time without having to stop at illogical points.

I am reluctant to write about the plot of a book in a series unless it is the first book because it always seems like a spoiler to me. In general, the Inkworld series tells the story of Meggie, the daughter of a bookbinder and her relationship to the book Inkheart, a novel that takes place in a world full of fairies, princes, and fire elves, as well as truly evil characters. One sore point for me was that there were several times in Inkspell when Meggie acted out of character. I tried to stretch my thoughts of her character to include all of her actions, but it just didn't mesh.

Unlike Inkheart, Inkspell, is not self-contained. I am eager to check out the book Inkdeath just so I can see how everything turns out! I recommend these books to fantasy lovers who don't mind a slow pace. The short chapters might make them good read alouds particularly for the five to ten year old set who might want more adventure and complexity in their stories, but might not be ready to read more complex stories for themselves.

Book Reviews

2009-05-06T18:15:00.001-04:00

Diana has been encouraging me to post my book reviews here, both new ones that I write and previous ones too. I have been debating doing that or opening a new blog to do that. I have decided that I will try doing it here and see how it feels.

So, look forward to book reviews from Faerie Gardens in the near future!

Be Careful!

2009-05-03T21:38:00.002-04:00

I recently realized that everytime I hear the phrase "be careful", I both get extremely anxious and a little be upset. The anxious is because I am always as careful as possible. It seems I have spent my whole life being careful to the exclusion of feeling free and myself a lot of the time. The upset is because if I am being as careful as I can be and then something still goes wrong, it is obviously just because I am flawed. Also, if a loved one is saying it, I think that they don't really know me. They don't understand just *how* careful I am being all of the time.

In other words, I am coming to see that in many situations, the seemingly harmless and even lovingly meant phrase "be careful" can be a stepping stone to perfectionism and pathological anxiety. A few days after that realization, I heard myself telling my daughter JoAnn, who struggles with perfectionism and anxiety, to be careful. She was being careful! JoAnn is always careful! She does her best. And as I said the phrase, I saw a cringe most across her features. She was feeling the same way I feel!

In the future, I am going to be more careful with my use of that phrase.

More Book News

2009-04-28T11:25:00.003-04:00

This morning when I got up, I found Esme reading the We Dare You science book. Her curiosity got the better of her!

In other news, Ant has been going through a *bored* stage which has led to him playing his guitar more. He is going through learning various chords now.

This Book Wins!

2009-04-27T11:17:00.002-04:00

I recently checked out We Dare You. The subtitle is "Hundreds of Fun Science Bets, Challenges, and Experiments You Can Do at Home!" My kids have picked this book up and love it! JoAnn was the first to get hooked. Then Lia jumped on board! Now both of them are sharing their cool finds with the rest of us. The best thing is that most of the activities in the book can truly be done with things we just happen to have lying around.

Thankful Thursday

2009-02-12T22:23:00.003-05:00

I haven't been updating here regularly (obviously!) but we have been busy living and learning this winter. I thought today I would post some things that I am thankful for at the moment.

*I am thankful that we had two relatively warm days this week! The snow level is down, and it was a nice break in the harsh weather.

*I am thankful that my son Antonio has grown into such a strong, supportive, sensitive young man. I am so glad that he is a part of my life!

*I am thankful for our pets Bunny (the cat) and Allie (the guinea pig.) They are wonderful additions to our lives!

*I am thankful that we have enough food.

*I am thankful for this computer! It is a relatively new addition to my desk, and it definitely makes my life better. I waste so much less time.

*I am thankful for my girlfriend Diana who grows so much every week and makes me proud of her!

*I am thankful for my health. I can breathe! The worse of the sinus infection is over.

Long Time, No Post!

2008-11-11T19:52:00.002-05:00

I can't believe that I haven't updated her in nearly a month! The kids have been up to so much that I could write pages and pages, but I will try to limit myself a little bit.

First of all, everyone has been drawing and drawing and drawing. Esme introduced JoAnn to a new style of drawing, and JoAnn took off running with it. Lia is always drawing. Antonio has been taking his art more seriously especially on the computer. Esme is the most serious artist though. She is always picking up drawing books to learn new techniques. She wants to do everything right while still retaining her own flair, and I must admit that the is excellent at it! Antonio has downloaded a mass of free trial subscriptions to several drawing programs, and Esme needs to explore it all! She has also been working a lot more with color both from colored pencils, chalk pastels, and markers. I would like to get her a paid subscription to DA which she really craves, and also to introduce her to painting. We shall see what the new year holds.

Antonio has discovered a place online where you can create online graphic novels. He has been using both his drawing and writing skills there a lot. He has always melded graphics and the written word, and having a place where he can easily connect anything online is wonderful!

Antonio has also been spending more time offline lately making inventions. One of his best was a heater made basically out of a card board box, black electrical tape, and a motor. He got the idea online, and it really works. It is a simple way to give his room a low cost boost of heat. Another one of his inventions was a wind turbine. Ant is fascinated with motors and basically anything mechanical. With the current energy crisis, he thought it would be fun to see if he could produce some free energy to run some of his motors, and the exciting thing was that he was successful!

The girls have been busy making furniture for their American girls dolls. The dolls seemed to fall by the wayside in their games for awhile, but now they are back in the forefront. Furniture has been constructed from cardboard, wood, stuffing, and cloth to keep the dolls living in style.

Jewelry making has been a nearly nonstop endeavor for awhile now. A week doesn't go by without someone sporting a new piece of jewelry that they have constructed. Beading and using wire are at the top of the list, but crocheting and knitting are still going on too. There are also more creative mixed media pieces.

Antonio loves watching the Power Block on Spike on Sunday mornings. He learns so much during those shows. I am usually next to him on my computer during that time period, and we have lots of good discussions about the things he sees. The girls pop in and out taking interest here and there too.

With the recent presidential election, all of the kids have had a big interest in the past presidents. This interest has expanded into doing online research and reading lots of biographies from the library. There have been many debates about which presidents were better than others. JoAnn has actually become sort of an expert on Abraham Lincoln. She has read numerous biographies about him and read source documents from the time period about him online.

I could go on, but I think I will save some for tomorrow...

A Long Weekend & New Interests

2008-10-14T17:58:00.003-04:00

We have a new family interest, and it is chemistry!!! You see it is an offshoot of playing PPGZ! Ant plays the professor, and he wants to make his characterization more realistic. He found these videos on Youtube - The Periodic Table of Videos. They are wonderful! We have all been watching some, and you learn so much about the elements, and how they all relate to each other. Of course, you get to see some pretty cool chemical reactions along the way. (We all waited with bated breath for the cesium to fall into the water!) Diana will be taking a graduate chemistry course in the near future, and all this chemical exploration should be a big boost to a successful course of study.

Chemisty has led to an interest in scientific measurement. We have been comparing the U.S. system of measurement and the metric system, and talking about how scientists measure various things and why. Antonio always has ideas on how to make various systems better, and Lia always wants to be vary hands on with everything!

The memory on our digital camara dropped by 50% overnight! After checking the camera settings and seeing that every was set right, Antonio had the answer. Flash memory is subject to memory wear. It only has so many erase cycles available. The number is a whole lot, but we are a big family who fills the camera many times each day, and we only have the small amount of integrated memory, no external storage. I was surprised that Ant knew this. (When will I stop being surprised?) So I looked it up, and he was exactly right! Ant and I talked some more about flash memory and other types of memory, and of course, about how he thinks everything could be improved.

Another new area of interest is map reading. We have been thinking about relocating, and the kids have been doing a lot of looking at maps online to check out various locales. On top of this, Diana remembered that we hadn't been letterboxing in awhile, so we have been doing some of that and some other hiking which has involved reading maps. All of the hiking has led to discussions of survival skills and safety in the wild and what to do if you are lost.

Esme has had some bad news. The American Girl doll Samantha is being archived. Samantha was her first American Girl love, and although she has a Samantha doll, she was hoping to accumulate some more Samantha stuff in the future. Although Samantha could be brought back, we can't be sure that she will. Reading about the archiving of Samantha has led to a resurgence in Dollytown (that is what the kids call our home when they are referring to it as their dolls' home.) The kids have been making homemade doll clothes again and have a story line going where the dolls of Dollytown are taking up collections because a hurricane destroyed most of the town, and many dolls are homeless. This has led to letter and speech writing.

This weekend the girls watched Chicago and enjoyed it more than any movie they have seen in quite awhile. All of us love a good musical, but I was surprised that they were so into this that they could hardly tear their eyes away from the screen!

Today we spent sometime together looking up words in the online dictionary. We all love words that have two totally different meanings and were concentrating on those and on words that have recently been added to the dictionary today.

What have they been doing?

2008-10-10T09:12:00.002-04:00

Here are a few things the kids have been up to the last few days.

All of them have had an interest in prime numbers that has come from Diana's graduate school math course! We have been reading articles about prime numbers together on the computer and played around with prime numbers in an assortment of contexts. The kids were very surprised that several organizations offer prizes for discovering super big prime numbers, and we have discussed how people discover those numbers (using computers), and the likelihood that we could discover one in the near future and claim a prize. (Highly unlikely as we probably do not have the necessary technology, but you can't be sure it isn't a possibility, and the idea is fun to play around with!)

Antonio saw an advertisment for a video game online that got him thinking about gods of death in various religions and mythologies. He did some research about this online, and we all discussed various death gods and mythologies on several different occasions. This lead to a tangent where he wanted to learn about end of the world symbolism in the Book of Revelation which lead to him reading a lot of it. This lead to an interest in the four horsemen of the apocolypse, and he is now a sort of expert on them. The girls went off on another tangent with interest in the seven deadly sins. Together with me we explored the seven deadly sins online, and we also talked about the concept of sin, sharing our various beliefs and talking about others beliefs.

Lia spent a weekend in Syracuse and came home with a ton of beads and beading supplies from garage sales she went to! All of the kids have been busy making bracelets and necklaces for themselves and their dolls. It is cool to see how they have all developed a personal style.

Halloween is approaching, and an interest in ghost stories and haunted houses has arisen. The kids have been spending the time after we go to bed in the girls room watch ghost hunting tv shows and haunted house movies, and then turning off the machine and telling their own stories. Lia definitely doesn't like scary things and none of the rest of them like things that are too scary so they are challenged to find material that is mysterious and interesting without really being scary. Diana has also been putting slightly scary and mysterious stuff into her netflix queue. Esme really wants to go to a commercial haunted house this year so that they can roleplay during the experience. I want to try to make this happen for them so I may do some research before our family trip to Syracuse next weekend.

Of course, there is much discussion of the presidential election!!! It is so cool to see how they all really think about the issues and understand the various political parties and working of the federal government! Esme in particular debates politics regularly on her various forums and loves it! They asked me last night who I was voting for, and I honestly told them that I was undecided and still reading up on things. When Lia expressed disappointment (she is not so patient and wanted me to make a decision now!), both Esme and JoAnn told her that I was doing the right thing and that this was a very important decision and that I should think things through carefully! I was so proud of them.

Of course, the vast majority of their time is spent roleplaying Power Puff Girl Z. Organization IV and Care Bears have not totally fallen to the wayside, and Ant was cosplaying someone from Naruto just the other day, but PPGZ is definitely the roleplay of choice these days. I even have a character now - the Professor's mom. (I think that makes me really old!) It is a fun character though. I like to put my son down and treat him not at all like a super intelligent scientist.

Oh! I almost forgot! Both Ant and Es have been learning html coding. It is rather funny I think because I just assumed they knew a lot of html coding! I mean isn't that what you learn first? But the things is, they are forum sort of people and most forums use different coding, and that is what they know! It is so cool to see how fast Ant learns these things. He only has to see something briefly once and then he has it! Esme has to practice a bit and use something a few times before she is 100% sure of herself.

Link

2008-10-06T11:19:00.001-04:00

Article about gaming and learning -

http://www.livescience.com/technology/081003-school-games.html

How Learning Happens

2008-10-06T00:24:00.003-04:00

Learning is often a fluid thing. You have an interest or are exposed to something and one thing leads to another. Connections are made. No curriculum is necessary, just sources of information which can be people, websites, books, video, or audio in nature.

Conversations with my kids tonight (all of which flowed from the PPGZ roleplay) included the seven deadly sins, various gods of death in different mythologies and religions, and symbolism in the book of Revelation in the Bible, especially they four horsemen of the Apocalypse. We all shared info with each other, and two computers were simultaneously in use researching topics and gathering information.

What they do...

2008-09-30T23:18:00.002-04:00

I have been reading a lot of blogs lately, and I have noticed that a lot of new unschoolers are listing activities that their kids are doing and then breaking them down into schooly sort of stuff. Some are doing it because they still see the world as broken up into subjects. Others are doing it because there state requires very specific records, and they are worried that they will forget too many things. Anyways...I thought I would do it today! Just for fun 'cause that is how I am!

What they did today...

Lia - attended Red Grammer concert (music, social studies, social skills), baked cookies (math, science, home economics), worked through problems with siblings (social skills), cared for pets (science, responsibility), watched Ever After (literature, listening, social studies), rollerbladed on edge of road (phys. ed., pedestrian safety), watched CSI (science, general problem solving), drawing (art), did laundry (home economics, math)

Josie - rested a lot because she is getting over a cold + discussion about cold (science, health), did a lot of cooking (science, math, home economics), read lots of The Moon by Night (literature), attended Red Grammar concert (music, social studies, social skills)

Esme - wrote blog posts (writing, typing), socialized through various forums and IM'ing on the internet (social skills, writing, typing, computer skills), drew and did graphic things in PSP on the computer (art, computer skills), decided what she would have for breakfast and lunch and prepared her food herself (home economics, health, decision making skills) , participated in PPGZ roleplay online (social skills, creativity) , listened to a wide assortment of music online (music)

Antonio - designed and built an 8 axis joystick type controller out of legos and a rubber band (math, engineering), took apart an old laptop and figured out what all the parts were and how they compare to parts in our laptop that we use now (engineering, math), build a microphone for Diana's computer out of things he found in his room (engineering), experimented with electricity and various parts (math, science), played bits and pieces of various video games (problem solving), vacuumed + did laundry (home economics), took care of pets (science, developing responsibility), discussed the development of computers and computer advancements and how it affects society (science, social studies)

Of course, everyday is different. Today JoAnn and Lia were somewhat ill and not doing as much as usual. It was Esme's computer day, and she wasn't sharing! It was very rainy. You get the idea...tomorrow will be a different day, but this one was good too! Oh! Also, I of course don't see everything that they do...so this isn't all of it!

Linky!

2008-09-24T17:35:00.003-04:00

Here's an unschooling friendly article if anyone is interested.

How Children Learn: classic of human, kid-centered learning

Book Review - Meet the Austins

2008-09-24T13:32:00.002-04:00

Meet the Austins by Madeleine L'Engle was the first book published in the Austin family series which also includes The Moon by Night, The Twenty-Four Days before Christmas, The Young Unicorns, A Ring of Endless Light, Troubling a Star, and the short story, "An Austin Family Christmas." Although Meet the Austins was published in 1960, I never read the book as a child. I did read a lot of other L'Engle books including the Murry family series and the Camilla books, but somehow or other the Austin books never caught my eye. I first read the Austin books as an adult in my 20's rather haphazardy without regard to chronological order or the order of publication but just whatever I happened to see on the library shelves first. Recently I decided to reread the series in the order of publication.

I remember Meet the Austins as an easy read about a loving family that pretty much gets things right as they live their lives in the world with its typical ups and downs. I was not an unschooler when I read it before, and I didn't have such a well defined life philosophy as I do now. I am happy to say that I still think the book is a good read and definitely suitable for "modern youth."

Although the book was published in 1960, there is nothing in this book to "date" it. I quite honestly could have been reading a book about children in the 21st century. OK, there are no computers or cell phones, but I have read lots of books recently that do not make mention of modern technology. The book has long chapters, and although it is not difficult to read, the flow does not mimic most of the popular novels currently being published targeting 4-6th graders. Those who are use to short, snappy chapters and to-the-point sentences, might need to get use to the longer attention span required for an older book.

Now onto the story. The book is really good. It is about a family with four kids aged 4-15 living in the country. They take in a fifth child whose parents have both died until other arrangement can be made for her. Her personality does not blend easily into the family, and the primary plot of the novel is her and the family's adaptation to the situation. Themes include the importance of love, consistency, and safety in our lives; and the importance of diversity/nonconformity in society.

How did the book mesh with my life philosophy? Well, the parents spank their kids. I would not spank my kids. I do understand the theory behind spanking though, and I do not think it is any worse than other punishment like time outs as long as it is carried out in a thoughtful manner. My point is that one shouldn't punish their kids at all. The parents use a few other methods of punishment that turn me off too, like making their kids spend time away from the family when they have done something wrong and not letting the siblings comfort each other. There is also an overriding sense in the book that crying is a bad thing to do. I cry a lot, and it is not at all bad for me. (If I didn't cry, I would be likely to do worse things.)

In spite of the parenting techniques exhibited in the book, the children are well loved, well adjusted, and for the most part happy. The book definitely has a "good family" feel. The kids' interactions with each other are very loving, ideal even. They are still realistic though; the siblings occasionally get angry at each other and make mistakes.

As in all of L'Engle's books that I remember, there is a bit of spiritual underflow in this book. L'Engle was very spiritual herself and a member of the Episcopalian church. The spirituality is not of the "hit you over the head" with theology type though, but more a clear belief that God is in charge and that he will take care of us and make sure that everything is OK in the end. I feel that the spirituality in this book would not offend anyone, and if anyone disagreed with the statements made, it would be a good discussion starter about spiritual beliefs. Having said that, in this particular book, I think there is too much religion to make it a "the whole class" has to read book in a public school environment although having it as a part of a classroom library would be great.

I would recommend this book to my children. It could lead to great discussions about families, parenting, and spirituality.

New Blog!

2008-09-08T21:44:00.001-04:00

I started blogging with a weight loss blog, and I have long thought of doing another. I have been playing with it for awhile watching to see which direction it goes, and now I present:

Not Your Typical Weight Loss Blog

Meals

2008-09-08T21:01:00.004-04:00

Meals are a weird control issue for me. Food is the hardest thing for me to unschool. It was the last thing to go, and even now, I struggle with it regularly. See there have been times in both my childhood and my adult life that I have gone hungry. There were times in the past when my children went hungry. You would think then that I would want my kids to have a large assortment of food to choose from that they can eat whenever they want (the unschooling ideal.) In reality, I feel the need to be absolutely sure that we have all the food necessary every day for regular meals and snacks, and then to parcel in out in careful portions so that everyone has their needs met.

Note, I don't do this, but a part of me wants to!

When we lived at Kennedy Square, I use to make breakfast, lunch, and dinner nearly everyday and serve them at the table. By the time, I switched to unschooling food, the kids were pretty happy with the situation, and the unschooling mostly took the form of asking them if they wanted anything in particular when I went to the store and keeping things they could snack on around for when in between meal hunger struck.

Here things are feeling hard for me lately. I have been feeling that I don't have enough time for everything. Lately breakfast has been a free for all and sometimes lunch too. To be honest, more often than not lunch too. This leads to a messy kitchen and food confusion! I haven't even been writing weekly meal plans for dinner lately! Luckily I have the kind of mind that tends to organize things so I basically have the dinners planned in my head, and they have tended to be quick and easy, but it would be nice for the rest of the family to be able to see what I have in mind in advance.

I know that controlling all the food is the wrong way to go. Ideally, I'd like the kids to get their own breakfast and clean up after themselves. I'd like to have lunch and dinner planned in advance and make lunch for the family myself, and have the kids who are interested in making dinner (Josie and Lia definitely maybe Es, Ant isn't as interested in cooking as he use to be) make dinner and clean up after themselves. They have expressed interest in doing this, but it seems like so much work to get everything set up.

I just need to let go of my perfectionist ideals and let things flow more.

A New AC Post

2008-08-26T18:49:00.000-04:00

First Year Teachers: A Guide to Setting Up Your Classroom

Life...

2008-08-07T18:19:00.002-04:00

I have so been neglecting this blog! What have I been up to? First of all, spending time outside before winter hits...you never know in our area! It could hit any day.

Second, spending time with the kids. They are all very busy with their own things and each other, but they still break off from time to time wanting to do things with me, or Diana and me...so I am trying to be as open as possible!

Third, desperately trying to make money. Everyone in our family has been so busy trying to make enough money to get us through the summer! Our original intention was that Diana would have financial aid for grad school that would carry us through this time, but in reality, there were delays, and although she is now a full time student, her financial aid will not arrive until mid-September...probably at the same time that her first pay check arrives! Very annoying. But we are all pulling together and doing our best, and we just might make it. Here our some of our money making endeavors...

Faerie Garden Fancies - mostly Diana's art for sale in the form of jewelry, tiles, cupcake toppers, miniatures, etc - we all try to help with this though! New merchandise is posted nearly everyday, and Diana does custom things as well as custom shop banners/blog headers (absolutely gorgeous) too! Check out the end of summer sale!

Copper Clad Treasures - our vintage copper clad, cast iron, etc. kitchenware shop, most merchandise is copper clad jello molds but there are a few other pieces including an antique copper dipper that is available for only $20. I organize and price, Diana takes the pictures, and the kids help where they can. I have so many more things to post here...I am trying to post at least one new item a day!

Mermaid Summer - This cafepress shop was the brainchild of Esme. She did the beautiful watercolor that is the basis for our image, Diana edited it to fit on various products, and I helped with the business end of things. I did not expect this to be big money producer, mostly thinking it would be fun for Esme...but lo and behold, we have had a sale...so we shall see!

We are also selling some things on ebay. Seller name is bunnykissd if anyone wants to see what we have up there.

Last week, we had a several day garage sale. The kids were in charge of that!

We are selling some things locally through craigslist.

I have been writing for Associated Content. Check out my "table of contents" to see if I've written anything that you are interested in.

I don't know if we've done anything else to make money...oh...I do surveys...it is about $20 a month but every bit helps. Sometimes one of the surveys is for the kids so they help there too. They also advertise everything we do. Esme is popular, lol!

Anyways, that is what I have been up to! Hopefully I will soon be back to a slower pace with more time to write here!

Kids' Interests

2008-07-24T13:00:00.003-04:00

Just a reminder to myself about what the kids are up to these days...

Lia: roleplaying Nicole, organizing big time!, hanging out with the grown-ups, cooking, playing beauty parlor with her American girl dolls, watching Clean House on TV, playing animals & Care Bears, playing with Allie the Guinea pig

Josie: reading just about anything she can get her hands on, websurfing to learn new things, roleplaying Paris, chores/being helpful, hanging out in the woods alone, cooking (starting to cook independently), playing animals and Care Bears, starting to play around with some of Ant's physics sites/programs, starting to do more drawing (has posted on Deviantart now!), actively working on learning to swim better and being more comfortable in deep water

Esme: playing Audition and Step Mania online, playing animals and Care Bears, connecting with online friends (has had 2 long phone calls with Allie), writing a lot!, drawing a lot!, entering online writing contests, reading some, taking interest in keeping her room clean and organized, interested in little kids and babies, gardening, trying out new hairstyles/fashions/make-up, forget-a-lot cosplay, participating in online roleplaying

Antonio: still loves playing with his physics sites and programs, playing Maplestory & Runescape especially with Devin and others he knows IRL, playing old favorites on the PS2, watching movies, playing guitar more especially with friends, biking, swimming/diving, cosplaying Shino, participating in online roleplaying groups, participating in online social networking sites, still likes playing with his legos, learning new things from online video/tv type shows, reading mangas & science type books, doing more drawing, lawncare, taking lots of more adult responsibility towards family and home

Sunrise

2008-07-02T10:57:00.003-04:00

Last night, we stayed late at Flat Rock and watched the sunset. Then Ant went to spend the night with Devin, and the girls stayed up all night in the livingroom and went outside to watch the sunrise. I got up at 7:30, and they were still up. They said the sunrise was beautiful! Josie and Es went to bed soon after that, but Lia stayed up with me a bit. We chatted online, she had some cereal, and then she helped me with a couple of chores. Now they are all asleep and will probably sleep 'til late this afternoon.

Finally Ready to Open...

2008-06-30T15:31:00.005-04:00

I have finally finished getting my etsy shop online! It was a somewhat difficult task and as I add more items, I am definitely going to use the kids' help for measuring and sorting and organizing.

Maybe I am getting ahead of myself. I recently decided to sell a large collection of copper and copper clad items. I think there are around 200 items total, but since they are scattered around a bit at the moment, I am not sure of the exact number. This past week Diana took photos of 19 of these items, and I started posting them on etsy. I have a huge number of jello molds. Most of them are selling for $5. If you want to check them out visit Copper Clad Treasures .

Here are a few things that I have listed so far...

Ending in Good Things

2008-06-29T16:36:00.002-04:00

I was reading something someone had written on an unschooling email list, and it got me to thinking about endings. You hear people talking all the time about living in the moment - making this moment, and of course, the very next moment, as good as it can be. That is a very good thing of course! Sometimes though it can be useful to think in terms of endings.

I can think of so many examples, and I want to write all of them down, but I will stick to a simple one. You make dinner. Maybe it takes a lot of time, and you think it is special, and you know it is nutritious and tasty to you. You sit down at the dinner table as a family. One of your kids looks at the food askance and asks if he can have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and some baby carrots with ranch dressing (things that he likes and knows you have.) You could use your power to try to make your child sit at the table and eat what he is served which most likely ends with the kid not eating anything. What is the ending? The kid is hungry. Dinner was unpleasant. There is a lot of tension in the house. Now let's say you say, "Sure, go ahead and help yourself." Everyone else starts eating, and the kid who made the different dinner comes in a few minutes. What is the ending? Everyone is fed. You had a pleasant family dinner. Maybe you have leftovers of something you think is tasty and can have for lunch the next day. Your kid feels heard and loved.

There are so many moments I ruin by trying to control my kids. I am so much better than I was 10 years ago, but it is still a process for me. It is so different than what mainstream parenting specialists preach. It works though. I have seen it over and over again. I change my behavior patterns to less controlling, and my kids improve on their own because it is what they want for themselves. Now I think I will not only think about the moments but the endings. How many happy endings have I ruined by my trying to control? I want my children (and me too!) to have lives full of happy endings!

Math

2008-06-26T22:09:00.002-04:00

My fifteen year old son Antonio has never used a math curriculum. He has had questions answered, and things explained but he has never done a math workbook or worked through a math textbook or had arithmetic methods taught to him in a sequential, consistent manner.

My son Antonio is great with numbers.

Today he was working on the programming for a new video game. He wanted the gun that he was designing to fire on the diagonals. He was talking it over with me showing me what he was doing. Antonio loves to discuss his programming! Sometimes it is difficult for the rest of us to sustain an interest though because it is very much his passion. He said that the place the gun would be firing would be 45 degree and then he'd have to add 90 to get each of the other angles so it'd be 135, 225, and 315. He wasn't writing anything down...and he only paused a second after each calculation in his head. He didn't use an algorithm. He could just picture how the numbers related to each other and knew the answers.

I know there are other people like Ant, but in my experience tutoring highschoolers in math, they seemed few and far between. Although most schools now struggle to incorporate "number sense" into their curriculums, number sense is not something that can be taught. It is something that is acquired by living in the real world and using numbers when it is necessary in ways that are useful or interesting. Curriculums are good at helping kids learn algorithms...things like how to "rename" (what use to be called carrying and borrowing) and patterns and tricks to make arithmetic in workbooks easier. With the advent of inexpensive, widely available calculators, knowing how to do arithmetic easily isn't even as important as it once was. But the real truth is, that kids who naturally acquire number sense will be able to do arithmetic and apply what they are doing to the real world much better than if they memorize some algorithms.

Transexuality, Homosexuality, & Freedom in Children

2008-06-24T21:40:00.002-04:00

Today online, I was introduced to Kenneth Zucker and the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto. It seems that if you have a child who is exhibiting activities that seem inappropriate to his or her gender, you can take that child to the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health and have him or her treated.

What form does this treatment take? Well, to begin with, Zucker feels that if your child is participating in behavior that he sees as atypical for its gender, then there must be something wrong with the mother. (Sound familiar? It is easy to remember a time when autism was blamed on the mother.) So the mother has to learn to be a better (read more strict) parent.

Second, the therapist meets with the child and tells the child that all sorts of bad things will happen to him/her if he/she keeps up this behavior. For example, a four year old might be told that no one will play with him if he brings a doll to school. This line of reasoning is repeated throughout therapy. If you do the things that make you happy, bad things will happen to you, and no one will like you.

The third step is probably the worst. The child is to no longer be allowed to do any of the things that the clinic deems inappropriate for their gender. A boy must give up any toys with even a remotely feminine cast. If he is in a group play situation, he must play only with other boys and only with boy toys. His hairstyle and clothing must be masculine. No pink or flowers may decorate his room. His parents must be consistent and punish any infractions.

It is so hard to imagine anyone doing this to their child! First of all, it is terribly stereotypical. Who is to say what is girl behavior and what is boy behavior? I know that statistically differences exist, but there are overlaps. There is no black and white in this area! We are all different! I can't imagine trying to draw a line between what is acceptable and what isn't.

Also, telling a child that doing the things that make him or her most happy is bad, is very likely to lead to mental health issues! Even if this so called therapy worked in preventing someone from growing up to be transgendered, it would be sure to lead to a whole host of other problems. As I am sure most of my readers know, I believe that everyone, including children, has a right to pursue joy. Punishing your child for being themselves and actively pursuing joy goes against so much that I am for!!!

We only have so many days in our lives. Every day counts. A day when you are three or a day when you are six or a day when you are fourteen. Childhood is not a time to prepare for adulthood, it is a time to live! Children die. It is sad, but it is a fact. Through the internet I know several families that have had children die. Many of these families were unschoolers. (Not because unschooling children are more likely to die, but because most of my online friends are unschoolers.) In those families, the children really had a chance to live life! They weren't forced to sit in a classroom and to do homework and put in situations where they felt bad. They lived with love and support seeking joy. I cannot imagine a parent telling their son that he had to give up his best friend (a girl) because he might grow up to want to be a girl...*is baffled*.

By Kenneth Zucker's own admittance, about 20% of the children who go through his program still grow up to want to change there gender. He claims this as an 80% success rate. I say that some of those 80% are now so confused they don't know what they want (and may be terrified of being themselves) and the others probably would have never had serious gender identity issues when they grew up anyways. There is also the chance that some of the 20% he doesn't claim to "cure" may have not grown up transgendered but are actively rebelling against so much control!

Oh! The whole reason I have been reading up on Zucker is that he has been nominated to lead a working group that will be revising the sexual identity and gender disorders section of the DSM-V. This poses a problem. If someone with his attitude is revising definitions of mental health disorders, we are likely to move back a bit in our progress in this area as a society as a whole. There is a petition online at http://www.thepetitionsite.com/2/objection-to-dsm-v-committee-members-on-gender-identity-disorders if you want to formally protest this nomination. If you want more information, just google Kenneth Zucker.

Soak Up the Sun

2008-06-24T17:57:00.003-04:00

Come visit Faerie Garden Fancies, our new etsy shop! Currently featuring a selection of polymer clay pins including summery suns...

Gods and Goddesses...

And Diana's signature bunnies! If you want something particular, we also take custom orders. Diana is doing custom designed banners for etsy shops and custom headers for blogs too. She will work with you to create the custom design you are looking for are looking for! If anyone is interested comment here, and I will tell you how to get in touch.

Currently all items are Diana's designs, but we are planning on expanding to include the whole family!

Disclaimer

2008-06-14T21:28:00.002-04:00

After the last post, I find it necessary to post a disclaimer. When I said that the books on my booklist were suitable for 9-18 year olds in terms of readability and content, I didn't mean that every 9-18 year old would be able to read the books or that every 9-18 year old would be able to benefit from or enjoy the content of them. By readability, I meant that they were written simply and unpretentiously. Regardless of how well one reads, it is never easy to wade through wordy, twisting sentences that never seem to say anything. By being of appropriate topics, I meant that there was nothing that the majority would find overly adult. There is no graphic sexuality, and although violence is sometimes portrayed, it is within the context of events in the lives of children, and it is not written about in an unnecessarily graphic way.

I realize that kids learn to read at different ages and at different rates. My daughter Lia, who is 10, would not be able to read any of the books on the list with complete understanding although she might enjoy listening to some of them. Right now her reading consists mostly of Amber Brown books and books from the Cobblestreet Cousins series. She also enjoys long picture books on a variety of topics (although she sometimes asks an older sibling to read them to her) and nonfiction on topics of interest to her (preferably with plenty of excellent photographs or illustrations.) As an unschooler, I do not teach my children to read. I answer their questions and provide them with help and books when they ask for them (and sometimes strew things when they don't), but I don't force anything on them.

My kids learned to read a very diverse ages. Emma never had a time when she couldn't read...she just seemed to naturally learn while she was learning to speak. Antonio wasn't a fluent reader until he was about 12. Esme learned at the age of four, but took a few years to go from reading easy readers to adult literature, becoming fluent at about the age of 8. JoAnn just learned to read overnight at about the age of 10. One day she was struggling to read the simplest of things, and the next thing I knew she could read absolutely anything sometimes better than me! I had heard previously of unschoolers just learning how to read with no help nearly overnight, but JoAnn was the first time it happened to me! Lia is the youngest and has always had people available to read for her so reading hasn't been something she had needed much in her life. She just recently caught onto reading (about the last six months) and is progressing through various reading stages (which I can observe by noticing what she checks out from the library and chooses to read at home) at a fairly quick rate. I assume she also will be able to read anything before another year is up.

Probably Antonio and JoAnn presented best the two extremes of learning to read the natural way. Antonio has had speech and language problems most of his life, and he struggled as he learned to read bit by bit following his own instincts and asking lots of questions! As a four year old, he had an idea of how language was put together. To a certain extent, he knew "how" to read, but he wasn't very verbal and it was another 8 years before he could really read. Antonio can now read anything, but reading is definitely not his preferred method of receiving new information. Oddly enough, JoAnn is my other child with language and speech problems. (It runs in the family.) She is very quiet and shy though. I had no idea that she was even really interested in reading yet. She listened to books, and sometimes did "pre-reading" sorts of things like making up stories to go with picture books and memorizing easy readers and reading them to herself, but she never asked for help or for me to explain how it all worked. Obviously she was observing and learning quietly within herself in her own way. One day, when she was about 10, we were walking along, and she said to me, "Mom, before I went by signs, and I had no idea what they said. Now I know what they all say, and I don't have to try to read them, I just know!" I was so surprised at her observation. Not long after that, she was picking up absolutely everything to read including the adult books I had checked out for myself from the library.

So don't feel bad if your 9 year old can't read the books on my list! Always follow your child's lead. Pretty much every free, normally abled child learns to read as long as they have access to print, readers available to answer questions, and an honest need or desire. The reason school children so often don't learn to read well is because they are made to feel dumb and given the impression that reading is something terribly difficult to do. The same goes for topic. Each child is different in what he or she is willing and able to understand and handle. If you have a sensitive child, be available to discuss difficult things that they have read about with them. Support them and allow them to experience all the emotions that the literature leads too. You will not only be helping your child learn to read better and to grow in their worldview, but you will also be building your relationship which is the most important thing that you can do!

Books

2008-06-14T20:18:00.002-04:00

I just finished reading a great book. It really had a huge affect on me, and I thought, "Everyone should read this!" The truth is there are no books that "everyone" should read. Some people don't enjoy reading very much, and can learn and be entertained better in other ways. Some books that might be really, really good in a life altering way to me just might not affect someone else the same way.

Of course, many kids go to school and are told what to read. With school and homework, these same kids often don't have much time or inclination to read for fun. (I realize this varies, but when my daughter Emma went to public school for 7th grade she basically stopped reading anything she didn't have to with the exception of Animorph and Babysitters' Club books. She is a big reader and always has been accept for that one year.)

I think schools often stagnate in their choices for required reading. They stick to a few classics. Maybe they already have the books on hand. Maybe the teacher doesn't want to read something new or write new lesson plans. It is also true that more recent books written for the 9-13 age group are more likely to deal with contraversial issues that teachers just might not want to have to discuss.

"School at Homers" also often require certain books or at least books chosen from a parent or curriculum supplier's list. In the case of unschoolers, nothing might be required, but children still ask their parents for recommendations, and parents still bring things into the home to strew in case their children find them interesting.

In the spirit of helping out those who may feel led in some way to guide a child's reading, I have prepared a list of 10 books that I think are exceptional. All of these books had a huge affect on me, and I could highly recommend them to anyone. The list is far from complete. I only included books from series if they were excellent stand alone reads, and I limited myself to one from each author. I also stopped at 10. I will probably be adding more parts to this list in the future. Not all of these books were written for children, but all are appropriate both in readability and in topic for 9-18 year olds, although older kids might get more out of them. The list is in no particular order.

1. The Green Glass Sea by Ellen Klages
2. Under the Persimmon Tree by Suzanne Fisher Staples
3. Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli
4. The Giver by Lois Lowry
5. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
6. Homecoming by Cynthia Voigt
7. Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech
8. The View from Saturday by E.L. Konigsburg
9. The Bronze Bow by Elizabeth George Speare
10. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle

Nature Study

2008-06-13T22:19:00.002-04:00

As spring turns into summer, opportunities to study nature increase. Here at Faerie Gardens there are so many interesting plants and animals to observe and learn about. I have seen more interesting bugs since we have lived here than in the whole rest of my life!

Yesterday, a weird beetle attached itself to my clothes. We still have not been able to identify it. It was at least an inch long with red flashes of color along each side and long, swooping antennae. It was some sort of long horned beetle but unfortunately our search ended there. While researching it, we found out about the Asian long horned beetle, an imported pest in our area that kills hardwood trees. I am quite sure that that is not what I saw (they have white spots all over their bodies and are a shiny black while mine had red markings and was a matte dark brownish-gray color.)

In addition to numerous bugs, we have been trying to identify all the caterpillars, moths, and butterflies that we have seen. I hang our laundry outside and recently a tent caterpillar actually built its cocoon on a pair of Diana's pants! It sort of grossed us out, but it was sort of cool too! Ant had a green and brown caterpillar in his bedroom this morning and took pics and then took it outside. Diana and the kids have been playing with millipedes. (They freak me out!)

I planted a sunflower garden, and I had some sprouts, but it seems they have died in the parching heat we have been experiencing lately. Since the earth is prepared I am going to plant something else there...maybe tomorrow! Our yard is full of an assortment of wildflowers including hawkweed, daisies, white clover, buttercups, cinquefoil, and others I can't identify. There are so many wild strawberries that the kids are picking a quart a day and not running out yet!

At the rear birdfeeder we have a male/female pair of indigo buntings visiting regularly as well as numerous chipping sparrows, chickadees, and goldfinches. One day we had 12 goldfinches at the feeder at once!!! Our platform feeder recently succumbed to a windstorm, but under the regular feeder we regularly see mourning doves and blue jays. Other visitors to the area have included brown headed cowbirds, cardinals, and a gray catbird. There is a flicker that likes to perch at the top of trees and cheep loudly! Woodpecker visitors have included the downy and the red-bellied. Diana saw a flock of turkeys in the woods, and of course, we have tons of robins and crows.

We have a new feeder in front but haven't seen any birds at it yet. When we first hung the other feeder it took awhile to get visitors so I am trying to be patient. Oh! Diana saw a hummingbird a couple of times too! We have see an occasional deer, but today the kids saw a baby deer, still with spots, in the woods. They came up on it so suddenly it startled them (and I am sure they startled it too!)

I am excited about our observations so far and look forward to seeing and learning about more new things this summer!

Thoughts

2008-06-09T08:46:00.001-04:00

We had been moving forward to get another computer (or two.) What we were really moving forward to though was a place where the kids wouldn't feel so frustrated because they weren't getting their need for computer time met.

Since Ant has got the PS2 online, he needs far less computer time! Sometimes your needs can be met in a way you don't anticipate.

Absolutely Awesome Unschooling Goodness!

2008-06-06T11:31:00.002-04:00

For awhile now, Ant has wanted to get his PS2 online. There were lots of difficulties in our way, but for a long time we kept plugging away at overcoming them. Then the desire seemed to sort of fade, overcome by other desires. I forgot all about it! I don't know if Ant thought about it much or not, but he was busy with new interests - drawing & blogging at Deviant Art, playing with Devon, bikeriding, cosplay, etc.

Today he was sitting here next to me at the PS2, and he screamed, "I'm online! I'm not quite sure how I did it...I wasn't even really trying...but I'm online!!!" He is so happy. He immediately spotted some people and started playing Tony Hawk American Wasteland with them. One of Ant's goals is to have more online friends, and he is so very happy right now!

Books - The Akhenaten Adventures

2008-06-06T10:13:00.002-04:00

This series of books, about a pair of preteen twins, John and Phillipa, who discover they are djinn (genies) and need to adapt to a whole new society, new worldview, and new concepts of themselves while still dealing with all the trials and tribulations of those about to enter puberty, is written by P.B. Kerr (who wrote the Berlin Noir trilogy for adults as Philip Kerr as well as several other adult novels in the same genre.)

I recently finished the first three books in the series: The Akhenaten Adventure, The Blue Djinn of Babylon, and The Cobra King of Kathmandu. The books were good reads and interesting, introducing the djinn culture as well as introducing bits of the culture in Egypt, Iraq, and India. JoAnn has read the the first one (beat me to it), took a break to read a few other things, and is now reading the second. She really like them! At her recommendation, Es started the first one and has been reading it off and on for a couple of weeks.

I would recommend this series to kids that like series about fictional characters; magic, myth, & history; and preteens with magical abilities. It adds a new twist to the crop of Harry Potter wannabe reads out there, and you or your kids just might want to explore!

Family Fotoblog

2008-06-03T21:04:00.002-04:00

For about the past month, Diana and I have been posting nearly daily photos in our new family fotoblog. You can check it out at Faerie Gardens Family Fotoblog.

I got the idea for the blog from an unschooling group I belong to. One of the members decided that she would rather be someone who didn't blog because she often felt compelled to think up interesting things to write and also both blogging and following others' blogs were taking up too much of her life energy. Then she heard about project 365, a blogging project in which participants take one photo each day for a year and post it. She thought that sounded like fun and along with her son created a blog to participate.

The project grew, and now there are over 30 families in the shine with unschooling project 365 blogring. Of course, we are all unschoolers so we don't follow the rules! Lots of people don't post everyday and that is perfectly fine. Lots of members post more than one picture and that is fine too. Because these are family blogs, anyone in the family can choose to take and post photos each day.

Participating is a lot of fun, and I have grown to love our blog. It is a low key way to keep us all looking at our life and celebrating the joy that is there!

Moving outside my comfort zone...

2008-06-01T20:27:00.002-04:00

As my kids get older, I am continually challenged to move outside of my comfort zone both as a parent and as a person. I suppose it starts the first time one is out of your site. Maybe you decide your three year old can play with her blocks unattended in the livingroom while you cook in the kitchen. Maybe your four year old can play alone in the backyard.

The trust goes further as the years progress. Your seven year old wants to ride her bike alone around the block or to spend the night at a friend's house or to browse in the children's section of the library while you are perusing the adult fiction section in another part of the building. There comes a time when you need to let your child do something that makes you nervous, otherwise you will stifle them and make them feel powerless. I firmly believe that feeling powerless is the root of much of human negativity, rebelliousness, unhappiness, and even violence. I do not want my children to feel powerless, ever.

So I trust them. I might express concerns, but I listen to their counterarguments, and we continue to discuss until we come to a conclusion that we can both agree on. It isn't always easy, and it often involves stepping outside of my comfort zone. I am the one with years of hangups and insecurities ingrained into every part of me. I am the one who is most likely being irrational. Sometimes my children choose to honor my insecurities even when they are irrational, but I do not thrust my distrust upon them. I work to listen to "who they are", and allow them to be how they need to be.

It isn't only in the parenting arena that I am stretched. As my kids get older, moving into their teens, they have more needs that are best met outside the immediate family. Maybe not "best met", but perhaps just that is the most reasonable option. If my daughter wants experience with farm animals, and we are not set up to acquire any, it is quicker and easier for her to get this experience with another family. If my son wants to learn auto mechanics, the same situation applies. I am not naturally a social person, but to best meet my children's needs, I am pushed outside of my comfort zone seeking opportunities for them to branch out into the world beyond our family and fly.

Through all of this I grow. It is one of the best side effects of both parenting and unschooling. Growing with your children. Learning new things about yourself. Becoming more than you ever thought you could be.

More About My Kids

2008-05-26T19:22:00.002-04:00

Lia:

favorite thing to do in the whole wide world = hug me!

favorite colors:

1. dark purple
2. black
3. dark green

Josie:

favorite thing to do in the whole wide world =not sure (maybe roleplay)

favorite colors:

1. pink
2. green
3. yellow

Essie:

favorite thing to do in the whole wide world =roleplay

favorite colors:

1. blue
2. red
3. purple

Ant:

favorite thing to do in the whole wide world =not sure

favorite colors:

1. pink
2. purple
3. blue

Today the kids went to Devon's house to play wii. It was the girls' first time playing. They played dance dance revolution and guitar hero 3. They loved it!

Books

2008-05-26T10:54:00.002-04:00

A few weeks back I read a book called Eleven by Lauren Myracle. It covered one year in the life of an eleven year old girl. Although the book had some redeeming factors, I had a lot of problems with it. I thought the school culture portrayed in the book to be inaccurate and the characterizations to be weak. It was as if the author was writing about an adult's perception of a preteen. There just seemed to be a wall separating the reader from the people portrayed in the story. That being said, the book did have a good plot and a few insightful moments. It isn't that I wouldn't recommend it, just that it wasn't as good as it could have been.

Yesterday I finished reading the book Nobody Was Here: Seventh Grade in the Life of Me, Penelope by Alison Pollet. This book had a very similar plot to Eleven. It covers one year in the life of Penelope. She is twelve, a year older than Winnie in Eleven but close enough to be going through the same types of things. School figures prominently in both books, as does a plot revolving around changing friendships as one grows. The difference was that Nobody Was Here was so much better! The characters had depth. The school had "personality". Teachers and preteens behaved appropriately and realistically. It was still a preteen/teen book, but it just had so much more depth! I would highly recommend Nobody Was Here to both unschooled and schooled preteen and teen girls. (Adults and boys might enjoy it too!)

My Kids

2008-05-24T13:24:00.002-04:00

It is cool to find out how your kids feel about themselves. Even if you are with them everyday and very close to them in the kind of a relationship that unschooling is great at facilitating, you still can't read their thoughts.

Yesterday, I had some time to talk to JoAnn. I asked her what she thought her strengths were. I think it is very important to know oneself, and that includes knowing your strengths and weaknesses. After discussing a bit just exactly what I meant, JoAnn said that her strengths were reading, spelling, making up stories, cooking, and fashion sense. Her perceived weaknesses included grammar, handwriting, running, a bad temper, and shyness. I think that I would agree with her assessment. I would add understanding/relating to animals, a good work ethic, and empathy to her strengths though. We also talked a bit about how some weaknesses were things we just might accept as innate or permanent areas in which we just aren't as good as others while some weaknesses might be things we want to work on so that we can either turn them into strengths or just areas that aren't weak anymore.

Later I talked to Esme in the same vein. She saw her strengths as writing, drawing, fashion sense, and running and other physical endeavors. She did not see herself as having any weaknesses. My take? I would add peacekeeping skills and ability to get along with others to the strengths. I would put moodiness and lack of patience into the weaknesses, but those might be due to her age. (She is 14!)

I attempted to have the same conversation with Lia, and it didn't go as well. Lia is nine, and I don't think that she has as well a formed sense of self as the older girls. When I first asked about her strengths, she said that she didn't have any. That most definitely isn't true! After some thought she said that she is good at singing and doing chores. Those are both true. I would say that Lia's strengths are singing, work ethic, friendmaking ability, outgoingness, and willingness to try new things. She identified her weaknesses as carrying heavy things, acting, and drawing. I don't see this at all. When the groceries get carried in Lia often out carries her 15 year old brother. She is an excellent drawer (although she is probably comparing herself to her older sibs who are all also excellent drawers, especially Esme), and her roleplaying ability is great! I think I am a bit sad that she sees herself as so "ungifted." It must be hard being the youngest. (I am oldest, and I always saw the drawbacks to being the oldest so this is something new for me to think about.) I would say Lia's weaknesses include moodiness (it runs in the family) and stubborness.

Antonio said that he had tons of strengths, but they could mostly all be summed up by saying his intelligence. He said his number one weakness is lazyness, but that he doesn't like to talk about his weaknesses. To be quite honest, I know Antonio the least of all my kids I am not sure that I am willing to make an attempt at his strengths and weaknesses. I do think it ironic that my son, who at one time would have been labeled mentally retarded is now able to count intelligence as his primary strength. Oh the benefits of unschooling!!!

RP'ing and Cosplay

2008-05-19T14:25:00.002-04:00

My kids have always roleplayed. Antonio and Esme started out playing Winnie the Pooh when they were still preschool aged, and soon diversified into the Lion King and other games of their own creation.

Now are teens, they have sometimes been embarrassed of their extensive make believe games when talking to their non-unschooled friends. No longer! Through the internet, they have discovered that RP'ing is now a rather mainstream teen pursuit. Currently they are really into RP'ing Organization XIII from Kingdom Hearts 2. They have been following another group of RP'ers, Castle Oblivion (also doing Organization XIII) in the UK, and have now become interested in Cosplay. They hope to make or buy Organization XIII cosplay outfits and host a cosplay picnic of their own!

Library Finds

2008-04-23T21:23:00.002-04:00

Somewhere, Can You Feel the Force by Richard Hammond was recommended to me. I no longer remember where, but when I first heard about it, I knew it was exactly the kind of book my son Antonio would enjoy browsing. Recently I picked up a copy at the Liverpool Library, and I was not disappointed. It is one of the DK books, chock full of info presented in an interesting as well as informative manner. The subtitle is Putting the Fizz Back into Physics, and although physics already fizzes in our house, this book was great!

When I got home from the library, I strew the book on the yellow table where the kids share the laptop along with the manga books that Antonio had chosen for himself. Later I saw Ant eating a snack in the yellow chair reading the book with interest. Ant is more a "get info from the internet" sort of person than "read a book sort of person." Any book that grabs his interest must be a winner.

Later that evening, the girls were all fighting over the book. The back cover of the book has questions that the book will answer, and they had read them and all wanted to be the first to search the book and find the answers. I let one of them take the book and helped the others find the answers online so no one would have to wait. All four of the kids have browsed this book at some time or another though.

If your kids are interesting in physics, engineering, or just how things work, they will love this book! If you don't think they are, they might just surprise you if this book is available for them to explore.

Another library winner was Three Minute Tales by Margaret Read MacDonald. Diana picked up this book because she thought the short stories might be good for filling time during her substitute teaching jobs. She hasn't had a chance to try it out yet because everyone here is so interested in it. The first day it was here the girls argued over this one too...and then Diana wanted it...and was fighting for it too! Unlike some other similar books I have seen, this one has really interesting stories. My daughters love them and talk about them after they read them asking each other if they have read it yet wanting to discuss and share. I would highly recommend this book too.

What We Did Today

2008-04-22T20:51:00.004-04:00

Today Antonio got his legos out. He made a gun, and he made a pole thingie that could pivot 360 degree and with a little modification, could be turned into a free turning turret. He also climbed a tree so high that I could hardly find him! Right now, he is playing Kingdom Hearts 2. He has been talkative and social. Everyday he wakes up and says, "I am not going to Devon's today." Then he ends up going! He knows he doesn't have to, but he gets bored and feels sorry for him.

Esme had the entire day on the computer except for her shower. She played Audition and is proud to have leveled up. She blogged a bit, and she went to all her forums. (American Girl and Care Bear forums.)

JoAnn has been having a bit of preteen moodiness. She played with Lia a lot though, and there were very few conflicts. They played Bratz this morning and shared their lunch with the dolls. This afternoon they spent outside playing animals and also went for a long walk. She helped me make dinner, and did some dishes and other chores.

Lia spent most of her day with JoAnn or me except for a little bit of rollerskating.

This evening, all of the kids celebrated Molly's birthday. (Molly is Antonio's American Girl doll.) They plan these celebrations complete with presents all the time. They are so creative! They also spent some time with Allie the Guinea pig, and Esme tidied up her cage.

2008-04-21T20:55:00.002-04:00

Antonio continues designing things with Rigid Chip. He has lots of good thoughts and thinks a lot about how he could improve products that already exist. Today has also spent some time working on a new turret game on gamemaker, and he played Audition A LOT! This afternoon he challenged Emma to an audition, and he held his own although he didn't win.

The laundry challenge just might be finishing up. I am seeing that there is an end! I sent JoAnn into her bedroom to get clothes, and she had trouble filling the basket. She says that that doesn't mean that there isn't any, just that it is harder to find.

The girls are enjoying having so much to choose from when they get dressed each day. I so want to pare down the clothing stash, but I don't want to diminish their joy.

Our new Guinea pig, Allie, seems to be adjusting well. Today I cleaned her cage with a little help from Es and Lia. I enjoy giving her plenty of tasty food. She is so vocal everytime she hears a plastic bag rattle. She knows it just might mean a treat is coming her way!

Unschooling

2008-04-20T21:46:00.002-04:00

I have been giving a lot of thought to the direction that I see this blog going, and I think it is going in an unschooling direction.

Today I did a lot of chores. I did not require my kids to help with them. Sometimes this bothers Diana. I don't require her to help with them either. My reward is that when someone does happen it is with a bounce of positive energy that makes us all feel great.

When I was first hanging out the laundry last week, Lia and Josie helped me a lot, especially Lia! It was so much fun! Lately they have been busy with other things, and I started guilting them into helping. Today I made a commitment to myself to not go in that direction, to just suck up and do it myself. *I* am the one who wants to do so much laundry and catch it all up! Well, boy was I rewarded! Lia volunteered to help me a lot today. Sometimes when asked and sometimes just out of the blue! It was a lot more fun than yesterday.

I am tired now though so it is off to bed for me!

Unschooling Today

2008-04-15T21:20:00.002-04:00

There was much laundry done today including hanging out on the line and folding and putting away.

Lia and JoAnn spent a lot of time in the woods.

Esme went off on an adventure in the city with Diana.

Antonio has done a variety of things on the computer. He wants to belong to a Maplestory guild that has other teens/young adults/older-more mature preteens on it who will be home during the day. They would either have to be homeschoolers or live in other time zones. I suggested that he ask at the unschooling_gamers list, and he said he had never joined it. So he is going to join it and ask if someone who plays Maplestory knows of an appropriate guild or would like to get together with him and start one. He also made a foray into the woods but claimed it was too cold to spend much time outside!

Lia finished reading Amber Brown Is Not a Crayon today. It is the first longer book that she has read, and she really liked it. I will have to get her the next one in the series.

JoAnn finished reading No Castles Here. She said that it was a very good book. I haven't read it yet, but after I do, I'll see how I liked it.

The Future of Traipsing about Granby

2008-04-02T11:43:00.003-04:00

I started this blog thinking I might want a less personal online journal, a place where I can share my views and news. Since then I have started writing for associated content and have been sharing a lot of my views there. I have had a need though to write some things that I don't want to argue with people about on livejournal. It isn't that any of the people that might argue couldn't read here, (and I don't mind at all if they do!) It is just that I see this more as a forum where it is ok to express differing views instead of my more personal space.

I have also been thinking about how I don't really have an "unschooling blog," and I am somewhat jealous of people who do. At the same time, I don't really think that unschooling is something that needs a separate blog. It is just life. Unschooling is just a term to help people who don't can't imagine life without school to fit it into their paradigm.

I am going to be spending more time writing in the near (and hopefully far) future, and those are my thoughts as to where this blog might be heading.

A Step into the Future

2007-06-15T21:50:00.000-04:00

I'm not quite sure what I am doing here.

I have a blog at livejournal. It is my personal journal, a place where I can write anything and choose who I allow to see the various parts of me.

I am envisioning this as a different sort of place, a place to give news and share ideas.

This will be an evolving blog. We shall see how it goes.

These are some topics I hope to post upon: weight loss, unschooling, polyamory, day to day life, spirituality/paganism, GLBTQ issues, and life as a fast food manager.

And my journey begins...