When Principles Collide

As an unschooling parent, I strive to live my life by principle as opposed to rules. I raise my kids to be the same way. It is agreed by many philosophers and social theorists that the highest level of ethical development is having a clearly developed set of personal principles that are logical, univeral, and consistent that one makes one's decisions based on.

Broad principles such as human life is more valuable than property may seem obvious, but when they filter down to every day decisions it can be anything but simple!

My thoughts today have to do with when one's child is making decisions based on a principle that one disagrees with. From an unschooling point of view, what is the right thing to do when principles collide? This can be a tricky situation, and I believe that the proper response is going to vary based on the child. This happened today, and I thought I would evaluate my behavior based on my principles without giving details that might violate my child's privacy.

First, I stood up for my principles. I have a principle that influences my life that says that I need to respond when someone does something that I feel is wrong. I do have levels of response. If it is something that I do not feel would be helped in any way by my direct involvement, I often respond with a general blog post. I am not responding to the person whose morals I disagree with directly, but I am putting my ideas out there in the hope that I might make someone think outside the box. If I do think that I could help directly, I will usually plant seeds. Most people do not respond to direct conflict, so I will very casually plant ideas in someones head so that they might think differently the next time. The third response is actually my rarest. If I am close to someone, and I know that they value my opinion, I will share my principle directly. My children fall into this category, so I did share my opinion. Because the principle being violated was one that I feel strongly about, I was honest and told her that I thought that she was wrong, and I told her exactly why. Note, there are others who might agree with her, but the issue was one that I felt strongly about, and I needed to know that she knew how I felt and why.

Secondly, I supported her. She was upset by this conflict of our views, so I held her and let her cry and did not express anything else that could be contrued as judgement. This was upholding my principle to support my children no matter what even if they disagree with me. Then I gave her time alone which I knew she wanted. This supported the principle of treating people as individuals and respecting their individual needs. At this point, being human, I was doubting my behavior. Maybe I should have said nothing. Maybe I should have planted seeds...

I thought that I needed to touch bases with my child and see how she was feeling and tell her once again that she has my support, and that I realize that people see things differently and that I will still love her even if this is something that we disagree on. I also talked a bit with her about why she may have the opinions and values that she does in a non-negative or threatening manner. The principle involved here was that it is important to have a close relationship with one's kids.

Now there is one more thing. I am ashamed to say that I didn't really listen to my daughter. Not 100%. So...the principle of listening and trying to understand others' points of view is coming into play...I am going to talk to her some more right now!

Contests

Since I am expecting a my first grandchild, I have an eye open for contests featuring prizes for mommies and babies. I have wanted to purchace a ring sling, but the good ones are so expensive! Today I saw this contest, and I am entering with hopes to win a prize.

Win a Sakura Bloom Ring sling and Aden and Anais Swaddling Blankets from Nature's Child - Wholesome goods for Mothers and Babies

The Eye of the Forest - Review

The Eye of the Forest is the fifth book in the Children of the Lamp series by P. B. Kerr. The Children of the Lamp is a series of books about djinn (genies) aimed at 9-12 years olds. The main characters are twins, John and Philippa Gaunt, who upon reaching puberty discover that they are djinn. Djinn are of fire, and have powers such as being able to grant wishes and being able to travel outside of their bodies.

As far as series go, the Children of the Lamp is superior to many that I have read for this age group. The characters are well developed, the situations are unique, and the plots are interesting. I do not feel that the books are stand alone reads though. This is definitely a series to read in order, and most likely, after you have read one, you will want to read more. I have not noticed any inconsistencies from book to book up to this point.

Some particularly strong points that I have noticed from an unschooling point of view is that there is no focus on school in these books. The books take place in exotic locales, and the author includes fairly well researched information about the settings. Also the children are independent and interact well with adults forming friendships with people outside a limited peer group. In general, the books have a lack of ageism with people being treated as individuals regardless of how old they may happen to be.

The Eye of the Forest takes place mainly in the Amazon rain forest. The twins along with their Uncle Nimrod and a friend are trying to stop someone (they don't know who) from discovering the "Eye of the Forest" which is a mystical doorway leading seemingly to nowhere. In order to divert disaster, they must find the eye themselves. Of course, this involves lots of adventure and use of their particular djinn capabilities. There is a side theme involving the good and evil in all of us, and another dealing with rain forest deforestation. I was pleased that the ecological story line presented a well balanced picture showing the struggles of people who do participate in industries that can lead to deforestation as well as the obvious arguments against it.

All in all, I would recommend this book to those who enjoy series with a fantasy element and a lot of adventure. These books are suitable for all ages, but please note that the evil characters tend to be truly evil and truly bad things happen to some of the characters.

Blogging for LGBT Families Day 2009

As most of you know, we are a two mommy family.  It has been a busy weekend in a busy month, and today is a busy day, but Diana and I thought it was important that we do a post in honor of Blogging for LGBT Families Day.  Since she is working outside the home today, and I am not, I have the honor of writing about our family.

When I met Diana in 2003, I was the single parent of five kids, Emma 15, Ant 11, Esme 9, Josie 7, and Lia 5.  Were the kids in any way a hindrance to our relationship?  Well, Diana had been trying to conceive for several years without success, and I couldn't help worry that she would be both overwhelmed and saddened by my large family.  The kids' reactions varied.  Some were very, very supportive.  (It is wonderful to see your mom happy!)  Others were surprised, but none were negative, and as our relationship progressed, with the exception of my oldest daughter who wanted to remain in the same city/neighborhood that she had grown up in, we all decided to move in together and become a family.

Adding five new people to your family is not that easy!  Diana was an only child with no cousins close to her age.  She was not use to having a lot of kids around.  She was use to privacy, peace and quiet, and having a lot of control!  Well anyone with a big family knows that privacy, and peace and quiet can be in short supply.  Also, it tends to work best if you learn to let go of trying to control too many things and trust instead.

We worked it out though.  We did our best to listen to and learn from each other.  We have tried to honor each others' needs as we grow together.  Diana now loves her "gift children" very much! 

At this point, it seems more that this is an entry about blended families than about GLBT families.  But you know what?  That is because as GLBT family is just a family!  I don't feel like we are any different from other families.  Each family is formed in its own way!  The members of our family all love each other.  We work together for common goals, and we strive to help each other to meet our own individual goals.  We strive to live consensually.  We aren't perfect.  We sometimes argue.  We all sometimes make mistakes.  In general though, it works, and we are all better together than we would be individually.

Remember, a family is a family.  Ours isn't better or worse than anyone else's simply because it is led by two women instead of a woman and a man.

What Do They Do?

I get this question a lot.  I hate to pigeonhole my kids.  Each one of them has diverse interests and participates in diverse activities.  On the other hand, when I think about it, I do know what they do at least for now.  For who knows, what they might be doing a year from now or five or ten.  People change and grow and just get sick of one thing and move onto something else.  It is the way it usually is and is good!

What does Antonio do?  We invents things and makes things and improves things.  I suppose he is an engineer.  He also programs and plays video games.  He excels at pixel art which he uses while developing video games.  He also studies and learns things in pursuit of knowing everything.  (He takes after his momma there.)  He freeruns.  His hobbies are drawing, writing fanfic, reading manga, and hiking/tree-climbing/nature study.

Esme is first and foremost a writer and drawer.  That is where most of her time and energy is invested.  She also socializes regularly online not only IM'ing with her four best friends, (they call themselves the Elite Five,) but also participating in diverse forums that are of interest to her as an active member and in some cases moderator.  Her hobbies are rollerblading, reading, doll collecting, and sculpting.

JoAnn spends a lot of time reading and cooking.  She reads more books, both novels and nonfiction, than anyone else in the house.  She loves discussing what she reads and is the one to go to if you want a book suggestion.  All of her reading has led to many interests, the strongest being all things Abraham Lincoln and all things India.  She loves to cook and make complicated recipes from scratch.  She is a loner in this (liking the solitude of being the only one in the kitchen), and I am happy to have her on board as family cook because cooking is not my favorite activity.  JoAnn's hobbies are drawing, graphic design, and doll collecting.  She also socializes online but not to the extent that Esme does.

Lia is a social butterfly.  When she isn't playing with her siblings, she is actively involved with Diana or myself or over at one of her many friends houses.  Lia loves to sing and dance.  She also takes photos and videos.  Her hobbies are science (fun experiments and anatomy), reading, and drawing. 

Inkspell

I just finished reading Inkspell by Cornelia Funke, the second book in the Inkworld Trilogy.  This book was very similar to the first, Inkheart.  It was rather slow and didactic, and not as riveting as the story concept leads me to believe it should be.  I found myself picking up the book more often, eager to read, than with the first, but I think this was more because I had more of myself invested in the story than because the book was well written.

Fantasy stories can be very compelling, and once I have started a series, it is hard to stop reading prematurely unless the books become truly horrible.  One improvement in this book was that the author did a better job of switching between view points to increase interest and move the plot along.  There were a few times when one point of view was neglected for too long, and it was hard for me to pick it up where it had left off, but for the most part, I enjoyed that aspect of the story.  I also liked the very short chapters.  I am a fan of very short chapters because I can more easily read the book in short spurts of free time without having to stop at illogical points.

I am reluctant to write about the plot of a book in a series unless it is the first book because it always seems like a spoiler to me.  In general, the Inkworld series tells the story of Meggie, the daughter of a bookbinder and her relationship to the book Inkheart, a novel that takes place in a world full of fairies, princes, and fire elves, as well as truly evil characters.  One sore point for me was that there were several times in Inkspell when Meggie acted out of character.  I tried to stretch my thoughts of her character to include all of her actions, but it just didn't mesh.

Unlike Inkheart, Inkspell, is not self-contained.  I am eager to check out the book Inkdeath just so I can see how everything turns out!  I recommend these books to fantasy lovers who don't mind a slow pace.  The short chapters might make them good read alouds particularly for the five to ten year old set who might want more adventure and complexity in their stories, but might not be ready to read more complex stories for themselves. 

Book Reviews

Diana has been encouraging me to post my book reviews here, both new ones that I write and previous ones too.  I have been debating doing that or opening a new blog to do that.  I have decided that I will try doing it here and see how it feels.

So, look forward to book reviews from Faerie Gardens in the near future!